Don't click or your IP will be banned


Hittin' The Web with the Allman Brothers Band Forum
You are not logged in

< Last Thread   Next Thread ><<  1    2  >>Ascending sortDescending sorting  
Author: Subject: Thoughts about suicide prevention

Peach Pro





Posts: 234
(234 all sites)
Registered: 2/21/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 12:45 PM
Was reading an article in today's paper about teen suicide and it promted me to post. Friends, i've suffered from depression. Talk about loneliness, I've been there. Words of now-ex girlfriends can be mean. I've learned to live with it. I've tried to reach out, but people can be mean at times. I've dealt with it through exercise and other outlets. My number one rule is that i don't own a gun, and it ain't because I'm anti-gun. My point is, if you know someone who may be a bit down, reach out! This is especially pertinent during holidays or on weekends. Not all of us have loving spouses or girlfriends to spend these times with. Think about us-a phone call or concert invite or dinner invite may lift our day, or week for that matter. Hell, if you're in a bar, and there's a solo person next to you drowning some sorrows, let them talk some things out. Point is folks, be nice to each other!
 
Replies:

Zen Peach



Karma:
Posts: 24883
(25865 all sites)
Registered: 5/5/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 12:47 PM
Very good point! Random acts of kindness can go a long way....

 

____________________




 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11002
(11138 all sites)
Registered: 5/24/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 01:11 PM

I have dealt with suicidal thoughts many times with my emotional issues. I have came close, but I was so scared that I told someone who helped me get some help. If it were not for my Daughter, I would have already been gone.

I have been taking Klonopin as a way of helping me deal with my anxiety. Things got better, well a week ago the Klonopin stopped working and started making me sick and anxious. We tried a little Xanax (that had worked also in the past, but not this time). You can not just stop Klonopin cold turkey, you have to do it slowly. I hate to even look at the pill anymore, what helped me has now became an enemy to my mind.

Needless to say I'm feeling that hopeless mind set again, I have been down this road so many times in the last 5 years that I have began to think it's not worth the trouble. I'm 53 and have made a mess out of my life, I hope and Pray that things will get better. But the hope is getting less and less.

A lot of times our families have troubles of their own and don't realize the shape we are in. So please reach out if it happens to any of you.

Yes, people can be mean. I once told someone that I wanted to kill myself. Their reply was "If that's what you want to do, do it...but it's not the answer". Kiind of caught me off guard.

If someone you love is EVER acting suicidle, be there...it's not easy for either side. Avoiding the situation is the worse thing a person can do when a loved one is feeling that way.

Sometimes folks get to feeling there is no reason to carry on, they just want peace.

 

____________________

 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11002
(11138 all sites)
Registered: 5/24/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 01:59 PM
quote:



This last year my dispatcher, a guy in his fifties, has been letting me bend his ear.
I don't know how much I need it but sometimes I do work myself into a state, and
I'll do some bitching, etc. He seems concerned about me and I appreciate it. I just
consider it to be an act of friendship. I've know the guy for all of the six years that
I've worked with him. We find common ground in how we feel we can live without
women. He's been married twice. He also needs someone to sit with or to talk to.
He's the dispatcher. WHITE MALES at the bus company are almost nonexistent. Mostly
the drivers are black, or women, or they are from places like Russia or Bosnia, etc. it's
nice to have someone around when you wanna bitch just for the sake of bitching. I
think the guy is afraid I will change jobs. I think I might need to simply because I am sort
of an anomaly being a WHITE MALE in my mid forties driving a school bus.





Dean, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a dating relationship. Throughout my life I have either been married or dating someone. I have lived with Barbara for 11 years, our relationship turned into more of a friendship. We still love each other very much, we are not living together at the time. She's at the house we lived at and i'm still with my folks because I can't seem to put a good "mental" year together anymore.

I do get lonely, because I love romance. But at this point I have nothing to offer a good woman. I have issues, i'm broke and I'm the most out of shape I have ever been. I would like to hope that one day I could find the right person, but it does not matter as much as it used to.

It's good to have someone like your friend at work, it's good for both of you.

 

____________________

 

Peach Pro



Karma:
Posts: 234
(234 all sites)
Registered: 2/21/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 02:56 PM
Hang in there, OldDirtRoad. Prayers to you. I believe there's always someone out there who cares more than you realize..
 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11157
(11157 all sites)
Registered: 9/17/2007
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 03:01 PM
Tough thread to read.. I lost 3-coworkers to suicide over a period of 9-months back in 95'. I felt "guilt" for "if only I would have" thoughts, "anger" for how could they be so selfish to do this to their families and friends, and "sadness" over the mental pain they must of been feeling. So, yea, as ABBohiofan said reach out to people in someway that may help. It's a hard thing to understand unless your standing in that person's shoes. I don't mind if there is someone out there that just needs to get something off there chest to PM me. I don't have all the answers or know the right words to say, but I'll listen. Just know that your not all alone.

 

____________________

 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11002
(11138 all sites)
Registered: 5/24/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 03:14 PM
quote:
Hang in there, OldDirtRoad. Prayers to you. I believe there's always someone out there who cares more than you realize..


I know there is my friend........

 

____________________

 

Peach Head



Karma:
Posts: 86
(86 all sites)
Registered: 1/6/2007
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 05:43 PM
Reading this thread saddens me . . . I'm a bit sensitive to this topic. The love of my life took a 30 alt rifle and ended his life this past January. I was there when it happened. My heart and mind is still reeling - he was a wonderful, wonderful man. He just couldn't see it anymore and demons took over. If love was enough he would still be here. I think his sister said it best at the service, "...he gave so much love to others and saved so little for himself..." He left behind an adorable 9-yr old son, loving parents, brother & sister, and many, many friends. The funeral home was packed - standing room only - and also a memoral service before the start of his favorite college baseball team - televised on big screen - now on youtube - he started the college baseball chant "Throw it in the dirt" - which is circulating most college teams now.

Ya know, OldDirtRoad, each morning I fight to get up, put on a gameface, always striving to be kind and sensitive to others. Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely I'll start reading the posts on this site. I've enjoyed reading many of your posts. All the while, you and many others didn't realize you were helping me get through some tough times.

OldDirtRoad, abbohiofan - don't lose sight of your worth, your value on this earth -
everybody has a story - and in the end, most troubles and problems that any of us encounter are fixable - doesn't mean without heartache, pain, time, energy & sweat but -yeah, reach out, people care.

Don't look back. "...don't look behind you - Ahh, don't look back, don't turn to find reason in the past..." "...pull myself together, put on a new face, climb down off the hilltop - get back in the race..." Forge ahead.

I'm not the kind to say 'put on a happy face' and that will fix all - I respect that depression is real but I am one that will say you have to fight - fight within to find a new beginning (whether that means getting medical help, reaching out to friends/family, or a simple 'to do' list of things to achieve) - wipe your personal slate clean and at the end of the day find gratitude - give thanks. - and never lose sight of your value, worth, and what you mean to others.




 

Banned


Karma:
Posts: 470
(961 all sites)
Registered: 12/14/2005
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 06:16 PM
Thank you for sharing that bstone. Thank all of you for opening up and sharing a bit of yourselves and the struggles, sadness, and depression that you all go thru. I think everyone goes thru all of those things, but some seem to get a double or triple dose at times. I don't think I can put it better than the way bstone put it. I do know that I can send out (((((((Thoughts, Prayers, and Well Wishing Vibes)))))))) to you all.
 

Extreme Peach



Karma:
Posts: 1110
(1110 all sites)
Registered: 9/18/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 06:27 PM
Listen to more Third Day ODR! Mac and the boys can lift you up.
My wife and I both suffer from depression and my younger brother took his own life from effects the same disease.
Get involved in a church if you don't have one. We are very involved in ours, and I believe many people at church suffer as well. I think we all worry about the world going to hell and that we can't control it.
We can't.....we have to let it go and the do best we can during our time.
Let go and let God man, you can do it!

 

____________________
When I die, please don't let my wife sell my guitars for what I told her I paid for them...

 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11002
(11138 all sites)
Registered: 5/24/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 06:29 PM
bstone,

I'm so very sorry for what your and his family went through. What you have said touches my heart so deeply. Bless you so much.

When I get down like I do sometimes (like now) I seem to feel as if there is no options. Only by looking through the eyes of my wondeful 27 year old Daughter do I try to hang on. I'm not saying this stuff to be taken lightly, or for someone's pity. I tend to let my emotions overwhelm me. I suffer from horrible anxiety and terrible morning fear (that comes and goes for different time spands). It caught me off guard when my Klonopin stopped working, it's the only med I take. I have tried so many anti depressents that I'm a pill o phobe ( I made that one up). SSRI's make me go through the roof and very suicidal. I refuse to even try them anymore. At times I wish I did not take anything. I'm scared of having to taper of the Klonopin, but i'm going to have to.

It is a very sensitive subject, and I have lost an Uncle and two very good friends to it.

Your right, the demons can take over......

For what it's worth, you words touched me. I have no idea how hard it has been for you.

 

____________________

 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11002
(11138 all sites)
Registered: 5/24/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 06:33 PM
quote:
Listen to more Third Day ODR! Mac and the boys can lift you up.
My wife and I both suffer from depression and my younger brother took his own life from effects the same disease.
Get involved in a church if you don't have one. We are very involved in ours, and I believe many people at church suffer as well. I think we all worry about the world going to hell and that we can't control it.
We can't.....we have to let it go and the do best we can during our time.
Let go and let God man, you can do it!


Right now Third Day is about all I listen to. They keep me going and thinking about the Lord. So many of us here have emotional issues that each other do not know about.

Lord knows how many times I have came to you folks for support and care (to the point I feel ashamed about it). When I get to that bad point I always think of my friends here.

God Bless you Brother.

 

____________________

 

Zen Peach



Karma:
Posts: 23542
(24044 all sites)
Registered: 1/2/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 07:07 PM
quote:
quote:
Listen to more Third Day ODR! Mac and the boys can lift you up.
My wife and I both suffer from depression and my younger brother took his own life from effects the same disease.
Get involved in a church if you don't have one. We are very involved in ours, and I believe many people at church suffer as well. I think we all worry about the world going to hell and that we can't control it.
We can't.....we have to let it go and the do best we can during our time.
Let go and let God man, you can do it!


Right now Third Day is about all I listen to. They keep me going and thinking about the Lord. So many of us here have emotional issues that each other do not know about.

Lord knows how many times I have came to you folks for support and care (to the point I feel ashamed about it). When I get to that bad point I always think of my friends here.

God Bless you Brother.
Kenny, don't EVER think you can't come to us when you need a boost. We're all in this life together. I, myself, have my moments when I feel like throwing my hands up and yelling, "EFF IT!" to the top of my lungs. You got to find those snippets of joy and grab a hold of them and savor them. You have brought joy to me many times on these forums by your band tribute threads. Those are always great. Hang in there. God has something good in store for you.

 

____________________

 

Zen Peach



Karma:
Posts: 82620
(82979 all sites)
Registered: 4/16/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 07:21 PM
quote:
Kenny, don't EVER think you can't come to us when you need a boost.


Indeed Brother!! We are ALL here for you.

 

____________________
RIP Cindy Fischer
RIP Hugh Duty
RIP John Ott

 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11002
(11138 all sites)
Registered: 5/24/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/14/2009 at 07:32 PM
quote:
quote:
Kenny, don't EVER think you can't come to us when you need a boost.


Indeed Brother!! We are ALL here for you.




In reality, we are here for all of us. Some folks never talk about there issues, I tend to keep coming back over and over with the same old story. I'm sorry for that. Although I may seem like a "Drama King", my drama seems overwhelming to me sometimes and very real. Many folks here are going through and have been through much worse. I feel for any of you that suffer. I love my friends here. Goodness shines whether I have ever seen met in person or not.

 

____________________

 

Peach Pro



Karma:
Posts: 450
(450 all sites)
Registered: 11/8/2008
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/15/2009 at 09:15 AM
Thanks for this topic. Suicide really does seem like the only logical action in desperate situations. Getting the person to seek medical help is huge; medications really do work, but the process is long. Takes 2-3 weeks for certain meds to act and then it may be the wrong one, so there's the tapering off process, and trying a new one. It's trial and error. Be patient with people who are going thru this. Clinical depression is not "the blues"; it's as painful and real as cancer.

I think this problem is going to escalate as people lose jobs, houses, and feel they can't provide for themselves or their families. We have to watch out for each other. Don't offer platitudes - offer real help even if it's a phone call, a meal, babysitting, a gift card, or sharing a favorite song. Anything to let the person know their lives have meaning to others.

 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11002
(11138 all sites)
Registered: 5/24/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/15/2009 at 03:18 PM
quote:

I think this problem is going to escalate as people lose jobs, houses, and feel they can't provide for themselves or their families. We have to watch out for each other. Don't offer platitudes - offer real help even if it's a phone call, a meal, babysitting, a gift card, or sharing a favorite song. Anything to let the person know their lives have meaning to others.



I was just talking to my Boss, his sister's husband is a Doctor. The Doc's brother was a very successful real estate agent, well this year he lost his job....could not find one. He took his life 3 weeks ago. He was the third member of the overall family (uncles, cousins...etc) to do this in the last year. Yes, it is on the rise and it's heartbreaking.

 

____________________

 

Peach Pro



Karma:
Posts: 485
(485 all sites)
Registered: 12/19/2006
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/16/2009 at 09:12 AM
quote:
Reading this thread saddens me . . . I'm a bit sensitive to this topic. The love of my life took a 30 alt rifle and ended his life this past January. I was there when it happened. My heart and mind is still reeling - he was a wonderful, wonderful man. He just couldn't see it anymore and demons took over. If love was enough he would still be here. I think his sister said it best at the service, "...he gave so much love to others and saved so little for himself..." He left behind an adorable 9-yr old son, loving parents, brother & sister, and many, many friends. The funeral home was packed - standing room only -



This is what I would have (and HAVE) said about my beloved mother-in-law,....who took her own life a doz. years ago,....

When it came to 'love' she HAD it, in spades.
We ALL loved her.
How could anyone Not.
Her whole life, was spent giving to the rest of us.
With so many people in the world, always 'taking' (my own mother, for instance,...an angry,...greedy, vindictive, controlling, queen B,......) My mother-in-law, could not have been loved more, by me,.......she was gentle, and giving, kind and loving. I ADORED that lady.

At her funeral,...I kept hearing so many say "We Never saw it coming,......"

Every time I heard that, I wanted to scream,...."How could you NOT !!!! It was written all over her Face !!!,...'I' 'saw' it,.......(the last time I'd seen her, weeks before)

I hadn't said anything to my husband.
He's a 'worrier' (and on Prozac as long as I've known him) (we're 19 years wed, next month)
I couldn't tell him his beloved mother was clearly suicidal,.......he woulda freaked.

But the day we left her (we'd been visiting several days, my father-in-law had called us to say "Please come,...Mom isn't responding well, to her meds, (Prozac),.....maybe y'all coming will cheer her up,..."

So, as we were saying good bye,.....when she hugged me, she said "Now y'all have a safe trip, home, and don't worry about me, I'll be FINE,....."

I pulled back from her, a bit, to look her in the eye,...."Okay,...we won't worry about you,...under ONE condition,....Promise me,...you won't let-anything-happen-to-you,..."

She looked away.
"I'll be fine,..."
"PROMISE ME !!!!"

She wouldn't.
She kept averting her eyes and just re-peating "I'll be Fine"

So, I Knew, for Sure.
But I was helpless to do anything.
She was already under a Dr's care, and on meds (recently switched to Prozac,...which hadn't had time to start working, yet,...and in Any case,....could Not fix her problem)

My confronting her, I had hoped,. might discourage the idea.
Apparently, no enough.

That lady was Mored LOVED than Anyone I've ever known in my life !!!
But it wasn't enough.

Why did she do it, then ?

Because there WAS something 'more' she Needed, than 'love'

She had just lost her purpose in life.

For over 30 years, she had lived in one neighborhood near Stone Mountain, GA.
She had a lovely ranch-style home, filled with a life time of loving care in it's appearance,....her floors were clean enough to eat off of (good thing, because my pa-in-law was a state health inspector) She decorated with a beautiful mix of family antiques, modern appliances, and her own personal touces of handcrafts.

To be lucky enough to be a guest in her home, was like being treated to the Best B & B you could ever imagine,.....she'd wait on you hand and foot,......her breakfast and lunch tables were set with fine dishes and multiple pieces of 'just-so' placed silverware (luckily I knew which 'fork' to use, when) Her dinner tables, had 5 or 6 pieces of silver,...and 2 glasses. and cloth napkins. The bedrooms in her home were antique beds and furnishings, and hand-made quilts,.....charming pictures on the walls, and hand-made dresser cloths. and knic-nacs,...carefully placed.

And her gardens were her other joy..
She had 30 years of neighbors she dearly loved.
And was an active member of her church.

But her 102 YO father died. (it was time)
And she was expected to pay half the 6,000 dollar taxes on the family farm (her father had been born there, when it was a mere log cabin). Her taxes on her lovely home in Lilburn, were 3,000. On a retirement income, she and her husband could not afford to pay 6,000 in taxes, a year,......so it was decided to sell her home and most of her belongings, and move back to the family farm, which she Hated,....to become a 'guest' in her spinster sister's home,......in order to pay the 3,000 in taxes, there.

She went from 'Queen' of all she surveyed,...Hostess of her own castle,....to being a paying 'guest' in a drafty 100+ year old house, in the middle of no-where.

Prozac and Dr's cafe,...could NOT give her Back all she's lost.

Her home,
her gardens
her neighbors,
her church.

Yes,...she had 'love'
But for herself, all that gave her reason to get up in the morning,...her sense of purpose,..
all that, was gone,...and she wouldn't be getting it, back.
She was no-longer mistress of her own castle, to entertain her guests.
She was now a begger at her sister's door.
She had a room in her sister's home.
Her own husband chose to live in a share-cropper house back on the property,...do he could do his drinking beyond the disapproving gaze of 'the women'

So he gave her a gun,.....to 'protect herself'

His drinking was more important,...to him, than she was.
He loved her,...but he loved his drinking, more.

My husband was devestated.
I was Angry !!!!

Granted, without the gun, she may have found another way,....but maybe nothing so final, so easy. Maybe ,......
but I still don't know what. Prozac and a Dr. could not give her back her planned life.
That was over.
I blamed my pa-in-laws drinking and selfishness.
I really don't know what I could have done to stop it.

But I knew it was coming.
I just couldn't hold her hand, 24/7,...I lived too far away.

I'd like to say more,...but I can't. Motel check out is in 45 minutes and I still have to shower before we hit the road.

I'll try and check here, this evening, if I can,.......right now, I can't think.
Just wanted to share her story.

Betty Trippe was a Saint
and I LOVED her more than I've ever loved any woman in my life.
I'll check back when I can,...may be days,...
Wind

 

Zen Peach



Karma:
Posts: 23542
(24044 all sites)
Registered: 1/2/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/16/2009 at 09:58 AM
Sad story, Wind. Thanks for sharing.

Who knows the reasons why? At the time, the person may feel justified, but in the end, the ones left behind do all the suffering, wondering why they didn't see it coming, what they could have done to prevent it, why their loved one could do such a thing. If I've ever had a suicidal thought in my head, it was immediately negated by the thought, "I couldn't do that to ______."<-----fill in the blank (my child, my wife/girlfriend, my sister/brother, my parents, my grandparents, my best friend.)

I always go to the Bible when I need encouragement during times of trial/trouble/turmoil. These versus speak to me a lot.

James 1:2-4, 12

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

It's not all for nothing. There's a plan. The reward at the end of this life is eternal peace.

 

____________________

 

Peach Pro



Karma:
Posts: 485
(485 all sites)
Registered: 12/19/2006
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/16/2009 at 06:35 PM
quote:
Sad story, Wind. Thanks for sharing.

Who knows the reasons why? At the time, the person may feel justified, but in the end, the ones left behind do all the suffering, wondering why they didn't see it coming, what they could have done to prevent it, why their loved one could do such a thing. If I've ever had a suicidal thought in my head, it was immediately negated by the thought, "I couldn't do that to ______."<-----fill in the blank (my child, my wife/girlfriend, my sister/brother, my parents, my grandparents, my best friend.)

I always go to the Bible when I need encouragement during times of trial/trouble/turmoil. These versus speak to me a lot.

James 1:2-4, 12

2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

It's not all for nothing. There's a plan. The reward at the end of this life is eternal peace.


Thankyou Dave,....that was beautuful.

I believe all things happen, for a reason.
But my beliefs don't allow for suicide.
What really shook all of us, besides my ma-in-law's act,...was that she was the most 'Christian' person I've ever known.
She didn't talk about it, as much as she set the example in the living of her life, and the way she treated others.

I Honestly, thing she just did it, because [1] she KNEW there was no hope to regain what she'd lost.
[2] she felt guilty, for selfishly, still wanting/needing, what was beyond hope to have again.,.....she was so accustomed to making sacrifices for others, out of her love for them, that it made her feel bad, that everyone loving her, was just not, 'enough'

and [3]
SHE was 'the worrier',....THE worrier,....no-one should need to worry, as long as she could do it, For them.

But we all were,...and She was the reason.
I Honestly think she did what she did, because in her grief for her selfish losses,....she got the idea in her head,.....that if she wasn't 'here' anymore,....we'd all Have to quit worrying about her.

i.e. in the end, she made the sacrifice, to the people she loved.

There's been so many times over the years, when I thought my younger son, would be 'next'

He was (is) single.
37, as of X-Mas Day.
But there's been So Many times when he's called me,...'just-needing-to-talk'
I always tried to give him the time,...hours, if necessary.
So often he would tell me "Mom, you just don't Know,...how 'lonely' I get sometimes,...
(and he'd hint of thoughts of suicide)
He'd talk about his buddies wives and lives,....good or bad,...he was envious of them, for Having a 'life',...while he watched the years slide by.

Before we left to go on our road trip to Cape Cod (June 3) he told me "Y'all ARE going to be back, in time, for my party,....aren't you ? "

(4th of July,...he's bought HOURS of fireworks)

I assured him, we Would be.

3 days into our trip,...he sent me an email with an attachement
It was a copy of a marriage liiscense (sp) he'd applied for on the 29 th of May.

His 4th of July party, is to also be a Luau,....AND a wedding.
And he's having the local auto mechanic-turned-minister,....do the honors.

(In Proper red-neck tradition !!!!!!!!!)
3 00 dollars worth of fireworks,......
Hawaiian shirts and hula skirts.
And a beer-bellied good-ole-boy mechanic,...with a Bible.

i.e. There was 'hope' after all.

She's 6 years older.
Long blond hair.
My (dress) size, but shorter by 6 inches.
Never wed,...she too, had about given up 'hope'

But she's a DELIGHTFUL person.
Not young enough to be a daughter,...but fine as a kid sis,...in fact my kid sis is about her age.

Dave told his favorite.
Mine has alway been "As long as there's 'life',.....there's 'hope' "



 

Zen Peach



Karma:
Posts: 18593
(18594 all sites)
Registered: 11/20/2006
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/16/2009 at 07:20 PM
bstone - my heart breaks for you ... your story is too similar to my own (although in my case it involved a child I loved as my own and not my partner at the time - whose child it was). It is impossible to put an adjective to some levels of grief ... there are pains that defy words and are ever-lasting. Hearts can heal and people can re-learn how to live their lives on a daily basis but suicide is something that leaves many broken people in it's wake. When you love someone it's only natural to want the best for them - for all of your wishes to be wrapped around thoughts of their happiness. Knowing that someone you love so much could be in enough pain to consider this a solution to lifes sometimes crushing pain is the most helpless, hopeless feeling.

Ohio, Kenny, Dean, anybody out there feeling the pain and lonliness of depression ... talk, talk, talk. If not to a close personal friend seek another outlet like a hotline, a medical professional. We all of us need the comfort of human interaction and sometimes we need somebody to lift up a corner of our burden and make it easier to carry ourselves. There is no shame in needing people to share with or a sounding board for your sorrows just as their is no shame in suffering depression ... life can be so difficult at times. And sometimes that may be exactly what is needed most. I can't help but wonder if my loved one had reached for a phone instead of a gun ...

 

____________________
"Come on down to the Mermaid Cafe and I will buy you a bottle of wine, and we'll laugh and toast to nothing and smash our empty glasses down..."

 

True Peach



Karma:
Posts: 11002
(11138 all sites)
Registered: 5/24/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/16/2009 at 08:12 PM
Very sad stuff here, but it's real and happening more and more.

I never really had those feelings until I started having depression issues, anxiety seems to make it even worse.

Even though i'm still here, I have had times when I was overwhelmed by the thought. It can almost cripple me. I worry all the time about anything and everything. Sometimes I actually wonder if i'm going crazy.

I think I understand that feeling of being hopeless, worthless and no purpose left all to well. I keep fighting and Praying. Thats why when I hear stories like you all have shared, I know that the person had to feel at their lowest, and yes...almost like your giving everyone a break from having to deal with you. Unless you have really felt it, it's hard to understand how overwhelimg it can be. Mental illness can be so misunderstood.

I see a new psych this Thursday, I need to leave there with some hope for a future and a feeling that I can feel a purpose again. Like I said, a month ago I was riding around on my route...jammin' on good music and smiling. Now i'm having to wake up scared to death and force myself to go to work. I listen to a little Third Day to keep my hopes up. I have been an extreme worrier all my life. I have punished myself with guilt all my life. I have always been my own worst enemy.

I'm only 53, I want to be like you folks that go out and have a good time. Not some old man shut up in his room panicking.

I know i'm not the only one here thats ever dealt with it..........

I'm so sorry when I read stories like the ones above.

 

____________________

 

Peach Pro



Karma:
Posts: 485
(485 all sites)
Registered: 12/19/2006
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/17/2009 at 08:53 AM
quote:

I think I understand that feeling of being hopeless, worthless and no purpose left all to well. I keep fighting and Praying. Thats why when I hear stories like you all have shared, I know that the person had to feel at their lowest, and yes...almost like your giving everyone a break from having to deal with you. Unless you have really felt it, it's hard to understand how overwhelimg it can be. Mental illness can be so misunderstood.

I have been an extreme worrier all my life. I have punished myself with guilt all my life. I have always been my own worst enemy.

I'm only 53, I want to be like you folks that go out and have a good time. Not some old man shut up in his room panicking.

I know i'm not the only one here thats ever dealt with it..........




O-D-R
My husband is 52, and also a 'worrier'
That's why he's been on Prozac for the last 20+ years.
He's also a drinker,......(mostly beer, and it shows)
The drinking makes his meds work less better
When he drinks more, he gets suicidal, and starts talking about "I think I should just put a gun to my head, the way my mother did,....."

It's his stress and drinking talking,.....but he Does have a gun.
I found and hid it, once,....but he got it back and I don't know where it is, anymore.
Since he lost his job in Dec. oddly enough, he's been drinking, less.
We live hand-to-mouth, but he seems happier (less stress)(believe it, or not).

Me,...I'm not a 'worrier'
I take things as they come (usually)
and deal with the bad stuff when it arrises,......

A long time friend of mine, shared this/his phylosophy with me and I put it on 3 x 5 cards all over the place at my house :

" DON'T SWEAT THE 'SMALL' STUFF,...
AND REMEMBER,..
IT'S __ALL__"SMALL STUFF"

It's what I try to live by.

I'm not saying it ALWAYS works.

I've lost a beloved 17 yo brother
a son
and
a 29 YO healthy as a horse, husband.

I've grieved, and I've survived.

But in the end,....I've had to believe,...that 'all - thngs- happen - for - a- reason '

I had a BAD stretch of depression back in 07/08
Big Dave was a true God send in helping me get through, and past it.

I don't remember ever being suicidal.
Just miserably unhappy,...my life had taken another un-expected twist, and I was reeling.
Dave helped talk me through it (and other friends, who stuck to me like glue)

Anyone who gets through this life without similar episodes of intense sorrow,....just doesn't have a heart.

To be human,..is to experience the bad as well as the good.

It's the folks who are ALWAYS angry, who I feel sorry for.
They alienated themselves from the emotions that would make them human,...worth having around,......

I've recently had to remove a couple of these folks from my life.
I have enough on my plate.
But I hope I'll always be there for a friend in pain,....
Wind

 

Zen Peach



Karma:
Posts: 27533
(27822 all sites)
Registered: 2/18/2006
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/17/2009 at 11:19 AM
I've found this to be so very true:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. "

 

____________________
Sometimes we can't choose the music life gives us - but we damn sure can choose how we dance!


 

Maximum Peach



Karma:
Posts: 9082
(9082 all sites)
Registered: 2/25/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/17/2009 at 01:01 PM
My father's friend killed himself back in 1984. I remember going on a trip to Los Angeles with my father back in '84, it was when the Olympics were in LA. We stayed at my father's friend's house. He was married and had 4 children. To my young eyes, I saw nothing wrong. However, when my father and I returned home to NY, I remember my father being on the phone with his friend, and my father pleading with him, "please don't do anything, you have a family who loves you dearly, you have friends who love you dearly...please don't do anything rash." The point of my father's friend's phone call was to say goodbye to my father. The next day my father got a call from his friend's wife saying he had killed himself. To say the least it was devastating to everyone, particularly since there was such a facade of this perfect family.

I also have a very dear friend who suffers with depression. Thankfully, a number of years ago, some of his roomates found a suicide note and were able to get him help. This guy is one of the smartest, funniest and gifted people I have met. However, to this day, he suffers from depression. I can spot some signs when he is going through a rough patch, but I must say its difficult for those of us who try to help, but don't have a firm grip on the warning signs. For example, everytime I talk to my friend or go out with him, he is hilarious and we laugh and have a great time, but there always seems to be a point where he might turn and become real ornery or just really negative. If he is having a few drinks, which he shouldn't mix with the meds, it makes it even worse. A few years back I got a frightening phone call from his father one Saturday morning. His father called and said, "Jim, this is Mr. X (don't want to use any names). I am very worried about my son. Please do not tell him I called you, but I know everytime he is on the phone with you or gets off the phone, he is laughing and has a smile on his face. He is going through a very rough time right now, and we are extremely worried about him. Would you please call him?" I did just that a few minutes later, and I could tell he was not in a good place. Getting him to talk was like pulling teeth. Quite frankly, I didn't know what to say to him, because what really could I say to him to make him feel better?

The frustrating part is that I don't know how to deal with my friend when he is in such a state. What can I do for someone that has these thoughts? Maybe some of you can answer: When you have these thoughts, do you not care what anyone says, is useless for us to say anything, or should we just listen? Its difficult because I have no frame of reference. Sure I have been down, but not THAT down, so I really don't know what its like to feel that way. I cant' sit there and say, hey I know how you feel, because I don't. Also, do you guys feel that the meds make things worse sometimes, i.e. would it give you more energy to actually carry out your thoughts, or conversely, do they make you more lethargic? Also, in addition to trying meds, does change of diet, exercise , vitamins, etc have any bearing on the way you feel?

Basically, what the hell can someone do to help you when you are at your lowest? Perhaps we wouldn't have this thread if we had the answer to that I guess.

 
<<  1    2  >>  


Powered by XForum 1.81.1 by Trollix Software


Privacy | Terms of Service
The ALLMAN BROTHERS BAND name, The ALLMAN BROTHERS name, likenesses, logos, mushroom design and peach truck are all registered trademarks of THE ABB MERCHANDISING CO., INC. whose rights are specifically reserved. Any artwork, visual, or audio representations used on this web site CONTAINING ANY REGISTERED TRADEMARKS are under license from The ABB MERCHANDISING CO., INC. A REVOCABLE, GRATIS LICENSE IS GRANTED TO ALL REGISTERED PEACH CORP MEMBERS FOR The DOWNLOADING OF ONE COPY FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY. ANY DISTRIBUTION OR REPRODUCTION OF THE TRADEMARKS CONTAINED HEREIN ARE PROHIBITED AND ARE SPECIFICALLY RESERVED BY THE ABB MERCHANDISING CO.,INC.
site by Hittin' the Web Group with www.experiencewasabi3d.com