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Author: Subject: Random thoughts found while browsing the web....

Zen Peach





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  posted on 4/7/2009 at 09:43 PM

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 4/7/2009 at 09:47 PM
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! i know somethin or somebody for ever one of them thangs!!! LOL

 

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music cures watever ails you,,,,,,,,

 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 4/7/2009 at 10:17 PM
I best write that down!.
 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 07:41 AM
If life has given you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone who's life has given them vodka.

{quote stolen from Ron White}

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 08:27 AM
quote:


5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.




hmmmm - thinking about trying #5 - I am queen of beating up the snooze bar.....sucks when I hit it and knock the alarm off the nightstand, then the next time it goes off, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF BED to look for it - and it INVARIABLY is UNDER the bed, beyond my dang reach! Yep - then I am up!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 08:32 AM
quote:
quote:


5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.




hmmmm - thinking about trying #5 - I am queen of beating up the snooze bar.....sucks when I hit it and knock the alarm off the nightstand, then the next time it goes off, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF BED to look for it - and it INVARIABLY is UNDER the bed, beyond my dang reach! Yep - then I am up!


Wow! I have a twin sister!

 

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Peach Master



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 08:44 AM
Too funny.....
 

True Peach



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 09:00 AM
I might have to try #3.................

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 09:15 AM
LMAO (thank you!!)

 

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Peach Master



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 10:35 AM
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was in need of a good laugh today.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 10:36 AM
LMAO!!! Thanks for the laugh - needed that!

 

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"Come on down to the Mermaid Cafe and I will buy you a bottle of wine, and we'll laugh and toast to nothing and smash our empty glasses down..."

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 11:57 AM
April is Humor Month.


(No Coot*s were consulted for this post)

 

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True Peach



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Posts: 14277
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  posted on 4/8/2009 at 12:09 PM
quote:
quote:
quote:


5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.




hmmmm - thinking about trying #5 - I am queen of beating up the snooze bar.....sucks when I hit it and knock the alarm off the nightstand, then the next time it goes off, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF BED to look for it - and it INVARIABLY is UNDER the bed, beyond my dang reach! Yep - then I am up!


Wow! I have a twin sister!


I have this problem solved.

1. Alarm rings - hit snooze
2. Doze off
2. Alarm rings - hit snooze
3. Doze off - get smacked by wife to get out of bed because the alarm is disturbing her rest.

 

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