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Author: Subject: Obama Modifies 'Yes We Can' Message To Exclude Area Loser

Zen Peach





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  posted on 11/13/2008 at 06:46 PM
Did anyone else see this?


quote:

August 27, 2008 -The Onion, Issue 44-35

Obama Modifies 'Yes We Can' Message To Exclude Area Loser
'Yes We Can, Except Dean Long,' Obama Says



Obama tells supporters he still believes in an America where anything is possible, once we ditch that good-for-nothing Dean.

COLUMBIA, SC -- In a nationally televised speech Friday, Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama altered his vision of a unified America to exclude Jacksonville, FL loser Dean Long.

According to Obama, the 52-year-old Long, who has lived with his parents intermittently since receiving his associate's degree in 1981 and still does not have a credit card in his own name, no longer figures into the senator's long-term plan of rallying Americans from all walks of life around a common, higher purpose.

"People of South Carolina, people of the world, this is our time, this is our moment," Obama said before 72,000 supporters at the University of South Carolina's Williams-Brice Stadium. "That is, unless you live in apartment 3L at 1254 Holden St., you watched Money Train on TBS last night at 3 a.m., and your name is Dean Long."

An excerpt from Obama's speech draws on his message of unity-minus-one.

"I have always said that the change we seek will not come easy, that it will not come without its share of sacrifice and struggle," Obama continued. "And the last thing we need is dead weight like Dean Long adding another 20 or 30 years to the process."

The speech, entitled "A More Perfect Union Minus Dean Long," was 26 minutes long and contained the words "change" 12 times, "hope" 16 times, and "Dean," in conjunction with the phrase "with the exception of," 34 times.

Although Obama remained vague on issues such as health care and foreign policy, the Illinois senator was praised for finally publicly addressing the issue of Dean Long. Obama took a hard-line stance on Long, calling the part-time school bus driver the lone aspect of America he doesn't believe in, a citizen who can languish in the past for all he cares, and "on top of everything else, kind of a jerk."

"When I began this campaign, my mission was to help this nation share my vision for one America -- not a black America, or a white America, or a Latino or Asian America," Obama said. "But now what I see, what I envision, is a Dean-free America. And once we get rid of that guy, there is nothing we can't accomplish. Nothing we can't achieve."

According to campaign strategist David Axelrod, Long's failure to remember his mother's birthday five years in a row, along with the fact that for the entire month of July he washed his hair with a bar of soap because he was too lazy to purchase shampoo, are examples of the kind of hopelessness Obama is trying to avoid.

"I am reminded of an instance early last year when Dean told his sister, Elizabeth, that he was going to start going to the gym three times a week after work," Obama said. "I was rooting for Dean. I thought that this time things would be different. That this time Dean would be capable of change. But it was just like 1997, 1999, 2000, and 2002 all over again. He went to the gym twice and quit."

"What a loser," Obama added.

In the hours following the speech, members of the McCain camp scrambled to respond to Obama's views on Long. In a statement last night, McCain applauded Obama's position on the loser, but criticized him for not offering any real solutions to the Dean Long problem. McCain went on to promise that, if elected, he would rid the world of Long within his first 48 hours in office without raising taxes.

Perhaps the most stirring moment of Obama's speech came at its conclusion, when he reasserted his call for change on the part of everyone except Long, whom he urged to just change the channel to the Golden Girls marathon on Lifetime like he knows he wants to.

"People of America, not Dean, we have the ability to heal this nation," Obama said. "Yes we can, Dean excluded, seize our future. Yes we can, with the exception of Dean and his stupid cargo shorts that he never washes, turn the page to a new tomorrow. I am confident that where we -- and by 'we' I mean everyone but Dean -- are met with cynicism and doubt and fear and those who tell us that we can't, we -- again, not Dean -- will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of the American people in six simple words: Yes we can, except Dean Long."

Added Obama: "God bless the people of South Carolina, God bless America, and to hell with you, Dean."



 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 11/13/2008 at 06:51 PM
lol

(you realize you are in for an 'e-verbal' assault on your manhood, the nickname of 'poopoo head' (??? how old is this guy anyway), and various other abuses, scb... )



[Edited on 11/14/2008 by lolasdeb]

 

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  posted on 11/13/2008 at 06:55 PM
Is this the same, "Dean the School Bus Driver"...I heard "Joe the Plumber" refer to?

small world

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 11/13/2008 at 07:46 PM
LMAO...

Pretty funny Allan....

 

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  posted on 11/13/2008 at 10:55 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boy are you gonna be in for a meltdown.

 

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  posted on 11/14/2008 at 07:39 AM
Love The Onion and the modification.

[Edited on 11/14/2008 by michaelsio]

 

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  posted on 11/14/2008 at 09:25 AM
Allen, I think this would be a perfect Playpen thread. Just my opinion.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 11/14/2008 at 09:26 AM
RUT ROW...............

 

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  posted on 11/14/2008 at 02:29 PM
quote:
Allen, I think this would be a perfect Playpen thread. Just my opinion.




I'm not really a "Playpen" kind of guy yet, Goliath. I'm still scoping that place out.

You may be right, and I figured the powers that be would move it if they thought it was inappropriate for the Whipping Post. It won't bother me if they do. And they probably will before it is all over.

 

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  posted on 11/14/2008 at 02:50 PM
OK. Just saying, this seemed very playful, hence Playpen.

 

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  posted on 11/14/2008 at 04:44 PM
Very funny! For the record, I'm just sayin it's funny!

 

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  posted on 11/14/2008 at 04:53 PM
quote:
quote:
Allen, I think this would be a perfect Playpen thread. Just my opinion.




I'm not really a "Playpen" kind of guy yet, Goliath. I'm still scoping that place out.

You may be right, and I figured the powers that be would move it if they thought it was inappropriate for the Whipping Post. It won't bother me if they do. And they probably will before it is all over.



EGG

ZAKK

LEE

 

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  posted on 11/14/2008 at 07:32 PM
The time has come for more active moderation then...good point, Ron. Who volunteers? There are several people who seem to be logged in quite regularly.

 

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