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Author: Subject: Why women should not take men shopping against their will

Zen Peach





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  posted on 10/9/2008 at 11:09 AM
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.


Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our store cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'

 

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Replies:

Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 10/9/2008 at 11:12 AM
quote:

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.



That's my favorite.

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/9/2008 at 11:25 AM
quote:
2 . July 2 : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.


I have done that

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 10/9/2008 at 11:28 AM
I've seen this before, but it's still laugh-out-loud funny!

Bilastro

 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 10/9/2008 at 02:58 PM
I always love the look on guys sitting on a chair waiting for their wives to try something on.
Years ago I told my wife 'You shop for me or I shop for me, but we don't do it together.' This was after I needed a pair of grey slacks and Phyllis came to the store with me. I went straight to a rack of pants and found a pair in grey and my size and went to go try them on. Phyllis says'Wait, where are you going?' and proceeds to take the pants away from me and then starts going all around the rest of the racks. When she was done she gave me 5 pairs to try on! I took the original pair and tried them on so I bought them without trying any more pairs on. What a waste of time.

 

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SmilingJack

 
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Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 10/9/2008 at 03:02 PM
quote:
I always love the look on guys sitting on a chair waiting for their wives to try something on.
Years ago I told my wife 'You shop for me or I shop for me, but we don't do it together.' This was after I needed a pair of grey slacks and Phyllis came to the store with me. I went straight to a rack of pants and found a pair in grey and my size and went to go try them on. Phyllis says'Wait, where are you going?' and proceeds to take the pants away from me and then starts going all around the rest of the racks. When she was done she gave me 5 pairs to try on! I took the original pair and tried them on so I bought them without trying any more pairs on. What a waste of time.


LOL, I'm right there with you, brother. Next time we're in CO, how about we drop your wife and mine off at the mall and go hiking with a six pack.

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/9/2008 at 03:02 PM
LOL
 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/9/2008 at 09:11 PM
That's funny!!! My husband and I went to the mall to the picture framing store, took care of what we needed to , then walked out in the mall. I was thinking we could browse a little, but he gave me a "look" and said, "I don't want to wander aimlessly
around the mall." When I go to the mall since then I announce, "I'm going to wander....".

 

True Peach



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  posted on 10/10/2008 at 07:25 AM
16. Nov. 4: Emptied 12 package of Alka Seltzer into an aquarium containing fish in the pet department.

17. Nov. 6: Inhaled helium from a birthday party balloon then got on store's PA system to announce to shoppers that they were being abducted by space aliens.

18. Nov. 8: Swapped labels on tubes of Preparation H with those from tubes of Crazy Glue.

 

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Music is love, and love is music, if you know what I mean.
People who believe in music are the happiest people I've ever seen.

Bill Ector, Randy Stephens, Dan Hills and a guy named BobO who I never met - Forever in my heart!

 

True Peach



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  posted on 10/10/2008 at 08:10 AM
That is hilarious. It reminds me when I was a beer man delivering to a grocery store where the Bud man, Miller man and myself always delivered at the same time. We were always up to no good. We were always paging Mike Hunt for one. They always had these beef stick racks near the beer section. When little old ladies would stroll by with their buggies, one of us one toss in one of those 3 foot long beef sticks that were bigger round than a silver dollar.. Oh the looks on their faces when they got to the check out. OH MY!! some would say. You wouldn't believe how many would go ahead and buy it. Most of the time the cashier would bring it back over and hang it back on the rack. We had the hardest time keeping a straight face.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/10/2008 at 08:13 AM
quote:
I always love the look on guys sitting on a chair waiting for their wives to try something on.
Years ago I told my wife 'You shop for me or I shop for me, but we don't do it together.' This was after I needed a pair of grey slacks and Phyllis came to the store with me. I went straight to a rack of pants and found a pair in grey and my size and went to go try them on. Phyllis says'Wait, where are you going?' and proceeds to take the pants away from me and then starts going all around the rest of the racks. When she was done she gave me 5 pairs to try on! I took the original pair and tried them on so I bought them without trying any more pairs on. What a waste of time.


I did this with my ex a few years back. She tried clothes on for three hours and did not buy anything!

 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 10/11/2008 at 01:29 PM
See Eric, another benefit of the divorce! You'll see more as the days roll on and your new bachelor life gets fully rooted.

 

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SmilingJack

 
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