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Author: Subject: BEER

Zen Peach





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  posted on 9/10/2008 at 04:15 PM
The following content does not necessarily reflect the views of the posting party, nor did I compose it. It is simply for your reading pleasure.

BEER
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer, and the beer to the man.

These facts formed the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent t heir days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs, the evolution of the Hollywood actor, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide all the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like th eir beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.



Have a great day!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 9/10/2008 at 05:56 PM
LMAO Alan!!! (and Maconga - wouldn't have taken you for a girlie-man )

 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 9/10/2008 at 06:28 PM
Lots of odd left overs after the pre Red Rocks party so come over next MNF everyone, lol.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 9/10/2008 at 06:31 PM
Boy Howdy
 

World Class Peach



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  posted on 9/10/2008 at 11:07 PM
alanwoods, your bottom-line signature at the end of your post would seem to contradict the rest of your post...why quote some long-haired girly liberal rockers when you could have quoted a real man's music, like Ted Nugent or Manowar?
 

Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 06:40 AM
That's some funny stuff right there, I don't care who you are.

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 09:07 AM
'When white man find land, the Indians were running it, there were no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo,
plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all work, Medicine man free.
Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'
.......'Only white man dumb enough to think he improve system like that.'........

"But Beer helped"

 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 12:51 PM
Here, Here....and pass me a 'nudder one.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 01:01 PM
quote:
alanwoods, your bottom-line signature at the end of your post would seem to contradict the rest of your post...why quote some long-haired girly liberal rockers when you could have quoted a real man's music, like Ted Nugent or Manowar?


The guy that penned that line has had more a## than a toilet seat, layed more pipe than is in Alaska, etc.

He probably turned more down than you ever had a chance at. Even if you had a handful of pardons in a women's prison.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 01:04 PM
quote:

Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'



This begs for a connction to the plentiful beaver.

Sorry, just couldn't help it.

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 01:09 PM
quote:
quote:

Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'



This begs for a connction to the plentiful beaver.

Sorry, just couldn't help it.
Oh, you beat me to it!

 

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This one goes to eleven...

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 01:20 PM
quote:
quote:
alanwoods, your bottom-line signature at the end of your post would seem to contradict the rest of your post...why quote some long-haired girly liberal rockers when you could have quoted a real man's music, like Ted Nugent or Manowar?


The guy that penned that line has had more a## than a toilet seat, layed more pipe than is in Alaska, etc.

He probably turned more down than you ever had a chance at. Even if you had a handful of pardons in a women's prison.


BTW - wtf is Manowar?

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 02:51 PM
Manowar is a heavy metal band of manly men who are men o'war. One of them probably wrote the "Beer" story above.
And, re-think my original post with the word "irony" in mind!!!

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 03:12 PM
quote:
Manowar is a heavy metal band of manly men who are men o'war. One of them probably wrote the "Beer" story above.
And, re-think my original post with the word "irony" in mind!!!


And, it is hard to translate "tongue firmly in cheek" only having text as a tool.

Jim - ask anybody else around here - I'm pretty hard to offend and try not to do so to most others. "Most" is very subjective and variable.

[Edited on 9/11/2008 by alanwoods]

[Edited on 9/11/2008 by alanwoods]

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 03:14 PM
I like BEER!!!!!!!!!!!

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 03:19 PM
BabAbaBababababBELCH!!!!!!!


Nothing like "any" lip sticking cold beer!!!

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 04:49 PM
alanwoods, I'm just busting your chops. Anyone who would sign on to this site loves the ABB, so you know I don't think of them as girly!

But having the "Beer" story that depicted conservatives as the police, soldiers, and corporate executives posted above an anti-war quote by the ABB, who are not police, soldiers, or corporate execs, cracked me up, as I am sure it cracked you up.

I am sure plenty of police, soldiers, and corporate execs did not look kindly on them draft-dodgin' pot-smokin' peace lovin' hippie Allmans!

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 9/11/2008 at 05:00 PM
I am a walking paradox with a really twisted sense of humor.

I usually vote conservative - mostly for reasons besides abortion and gay marriage. I just believe in a free market economy and small government. I admit that the current President has let us all down.

Really, I didn't take you reply as serious for even a second.

 

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Peach Master



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  posted on 9/14/2008 at 03:50 PM
Wow that explains it pretty well.
I guess that's why liberals always evade any confrontation from people who want us dead.
good one.........

 
 


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