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Author: Subject: Teen Troubles - Parent Problems

Zen Peach





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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:14 AM
Have been having some hard times around home lately. Daughter has been running with an older, bad crowd. They say that the teen years are hard. Being a parent sure doesn't seem any easier to me. Don't want to write all the details as I am sure most can fill in the details anyway.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all the other parents on here. If any one has gone through similar issues or even worse. I feel for you. Really easy to get down and at times there doesn't seem to be any light at all. I was a pain growing up so I likely deserve it but not my wife. She is as close to a saint as is possible while still living. She has doubts, fears and cries daily which is fine but watching her pain hurts me even more. Hard to tell whether to get angry, sad, worried, concerned or depressed because all those emotions seem to be running all the time.

Luckily I have some good friends with good ears and even better advice. Has likely kept me out of jail. Also I see that others have gone through this and later have great relationships with their kids. Hope that can happen in our home down the road.

We still have lots of love but are tired also.

Any thoughts, prayers or kindly advice is always appreciated. To those that sent me PMs wondering where I have been, thanks for the concern and friendship. Hopefully I will have the time to chat away on here again sometime soon.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:29 AM
I have been down that road, and it's not an easy one. You need the strength of Atlas, the patience of Job, some prayers and some luck... check your PM's

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:31 AM
CM, I'll send you my positive thoughts and prayers. I have been lucky with my girls. The worst I have to deal with is getting them to do chores.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:33 AM
prayers to you...you can only do your best and continue to reach out..each of us has our own soul, and the free will to choose...

it is not an easy time , that is for sure..

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:36 AM
Just reading along...Abisnail is still a pre-teen for right now.

CM I am sending you and your wife strength.

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:38 AM
Canadian--my prayers for you....


& please check your pm--thanks

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:42 AM
Thanks guys.

Dave
I had the same concerns as you with worrying about school and chores until about 6-8 months ago. I wish I had those days back.

I have got a few concerned PMs and I don't want to miss lead anyone. The issues are concerning older kids (20 yrs olds) that she (16) is hanging with. Trying not to air our dirty laundry too much but it involves drugs, schooling, work, crime, attitude at home, coming home at all. Police have been involved and she is not at home now. Enough said and I am sure you all get the picture.

Normally I wouldn't write stuff so personal unless I was the fool screwing up. And Lord knows that I have over the years. But I got concerned messages and because I consider many here good friends and almost everyone always has kind words and real good advice. Could use both at times like these.

As I said, I am sure many have been through worse but times sure have been better here.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:44 AM
I have been lucky with my 2 boys. We had some trying times, but it all worked out. Don't lose faith in your children. They will eventually figure out how much you love them. Sending positive and healing vibes your way.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 08:50 AM
Wish I had some advice to ease the situation. In my case it was patience, patience and more patience. There are so many variables to young teen's personalities. You know you've reached the pinnacle of parenting when your son shows up at the door with 2-secret service men that want to look at his room. We made it thru that and all the other regular police stuff, friend stuff, teacher stuff, neighbor stuff, stuff stuff...

Prayers sent to you and your family.

 

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Sublime Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 09:18 AM
I've enjoyed your posts for years CM and my thoughts are with you. Rob

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 09:37 AM
CM I can't imagine anyone being worse that me when I was a teen. I'll never forgive myself for the terrible things I put my folks through.
Not sure exactly when it happened but I did a 180 . Today I'm marrried with kids, one a special needs child. In looking back though I think I'm a better parent for my past experiences. I sure spot trouble when its coming and cut it off before anyone realizes :-)

My house was the place where all the kids hung out. It could get tiring when I wanted to relax but at least this way I knew where my own were. I took them all out to places they wouldn't know otherwise like concerts and New Hope Pa .. kind of the Greenwich Village of Pa. They looked forward to the mini road trips. Keep them busy, include their friends, say a prayer
Best of luck

~~~ Just wanted to add ... today my son and friends are in their 20's and they are still hanging out here ! Now they have their own cars but take me because I'm the only one who knows how to get to all the neat places I took them when they were teens, lol. They all tower over me but call me Mom. Well worth the time invested. Oh and I have them all stuck on jam bands *s*



[Edited on 6/2/2008 by drobyn]

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 09:42 AM
Thoughts and prayers going out to you. I can totally understand, my 14 yr old daughter has been putting me throught the ringer and between that and the stress it is causing between my and my ex it's almost unbearable. Know that you are not alone and keep on keepin on.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 10:03 AM
quote:
In looking back though I think I'm a better parent for my past experiences. I sure spot trouble when its coming and cut it off before anyone realizes :-)


That is what I used to think. Knew there were issues but this blew up rather quickly. It involves a guy so it is even more complicated. Through dealing with people and parents on various issues, I can safely say that common sense seems to be a thing of the past.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 10:12 AM
CM, I guess one of the reasons I have yet to experience any troubles from boys with my girls is all my girls' friends know me and are either afraid of me or the girls know I am going to scrutinize any boys they bring home, so they don't bother.

Last week, Rachel was out with a boy I didn't know, and her sister said something about her being over at his house. RED FLAG. I texted her to check in, and when she didn't respond right away, I got concerned, and then a little indignant. My next message simply read, "If you don't call home IMMEDIATELY, your ass is grass!" I got a reply within five minutes. She claimed they were playing laser tag and had the phone turned off so she wouldn't be spotted while playing her game. Then I began to grill her on who she was with. He had to bring her home, so I got to meet him. When he came in, I was shirtless, my hair down and my tattoos in full bloom. I gave him the concerned dad bone crusher hand shake. I think I successfully ran him off.

When all else fails, intimidation works for me.

 

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Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 11:00 AM
CM I know my parents went through hell with my brother when he was a wild teen. Prayers and positive feelings for you and your wife. I know how helpless you must feel. I pray things work out for your family soon.

Greg

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 11:40 AM
Hey Dave

Our methods are similar. Seems to have taken me to almost 17 rather well but that has changed a bit.

Now I am damned either way. I am hated at the moment and likely beating some kid senseless will only land me in more trouble with her and the law. Also it would only push her towards him anyway. Although I will admit it would feel pretty good right now. My wife has been rather concerned about that and begged me to remain as calm as possible which isn't always my style. When dealing with others, I can be the most level headed guy around but when it deals with family and friends I get a little protective at times.

This girl has created a mountain of problems that will not easily be solved and new peaks seem to appear daily.

Told my wife that I will write a book called "Imagine If We Never Had Kids". Stories from parents talking about what they would have liked to do if freed of the children. Stand back and watch the dreams fly. House paid, vehicules paid and travelling around the world to experience and hear good tunes along the way. Would be nice.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 12:01 PM
CM, maybe it's just a phase she's going through, and at some point, she'll come back to her senses? I wonder how much influence the 20 year old boy is having on her and the decisions she's making (ie, is he telling her how to respond to you and your wife, or are they her own thoughts, feelings and words, and she's trying to impress him, as opposed to being reasonable?)

[Edited on 6/2/2008 by BigDaveOnBass]

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 12:09 PM
quote:
CM, maybe it's just a phase she's going through, and at some point, she'll come back to her senses? I wonder how much influence the 20 year old boy is having on her and the decisions she's making (ie, is he telling her how to respond to you and your wife, or are they her own thoughts, feelings and words, and she's trying to impress him, as opposed to being reasonable?)

[Edited on 6/2/2008 by BigDaveOnBass]


Bingo!
That is why my wife is restraining me and pleading for sanity. The last thing she needs is me behind bars.

Unfortunately it isn't just the guy because it involves some serious drugs, non stop drinking, failing school and losing her job and not being at home. All of that and she still sees no issues and blames us.

All of this going on while our 5 yr old tries to figure out what is going on. sad.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 12:24 PM
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap....If I was closer, I'd handle it for you.

I feel for you, bro. I've worked HARD to insure that my children will be successful and productive adults, and not fall into some of the traps I fell into at their ages. I think the one thing that I can attribute to my children's successful upbringing (so far) is that we've had them in church all of their lives. I'm definitely not the best role model, but Jesus seems to have worked out for them. I'll give the glory to God, and offer my prayers up to him on your behalf. It's all I know to do in situations like this.

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 12:27 PM
Sorry to hear of your trouble James. I was wondering where you had got to? My advice is going to echo BD and others. Having two boys, the intimidation thing is easier as they know what I am capable of and when it gets to that point they instinctively know when to stand down. 16 to 20 are the toughtest years where big life decisions are made. I know this may sound somewhat crazy, but for as much as you want to protect her sometimes letting her find out for herself what the consequences of her actions are will change her perspective. This is not to say don't love or support her when she needs you, but sometimes the only way the message is rec'd is when she is in jail waiting for Mom and Dad to come and get her out and your response is the same as hers currently - none. Things will work out James, don't give up. My thoughts are with ya brother!!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 12:34 PM
We are in the tough love position right now. She has to learn some lessons and life, herself and most importantly how to treat those you love.

Intimidation is good but we are past that now. Kicking the crap out of some fool won't fix my daughter situation. At least my wife and friends keep telling me that.

When they don't come home on their own you worry and when you kick them out you worry. Meanwhile they get stoned and could care less.

I was an ass when I was young and caused concern for my parents but never anything like this. I was smarter and didn't get caught I guess.

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 12:59 PM
Things could be worse.

This guy could be your grandkid's father.



ask me how i know...


 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 01:01 PM
quote:
I was an ass when I was young and caused concern for my parents but never anything like this. I was smarter and didn't get caught I guess.
I won't go as far and say I was an ass , but I did worry my mother a fair amount. I was a party boy from an early age, and it got to the point with my mom that she allowed me to do what I did (drinking beer and smoking dope, mostly) up in my bedroom with the door closed, as opposed to running up and down the road doing it. At least she knew where I was. But that was the 70's. Times have changed. Like I said, CM, I'm one of the lucky ones that my kids haven't put me through what I put my folks through. She'll come back around, and I bet it won't be too long.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 01:02 PM
quote:
Things could be worse.

This guy could be your grandkid's father.



ask me how i know...




You trying to give me support or drive me over the edge?

The thought has crossed my mind. Believe me.

But wouldn't it be funny if years from now I sat back and laughed with my son-in-law about the time I kicked his butt up and down the street.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/2/2008 at 01:12 PM
Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

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