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Author: Subject: What can brown do for you?

Zen Peach





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  posted on 5/19/2008 at 12:56 PM
Just in case you need a laugh...
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a
P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

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"Come on down to the Mermaid Cafe and I will buy you a bottle of wine, and we'll laugh and toast to nothing and smash our empty glasses down..."

 
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Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/19/2008 at 12:59 PM
PJ Brown came up big for the Celts yesterday!

 

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Co-Owner of Charlie Tabers Football

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/19/2008 at 12:59 PM

 

____________________
If we practice and eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless. -Mahatma Gandhi.

 

Sublime Peach



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  posted on 5/19/2008 at 02:03 PM
This is why I hate to fly... thanks for the chuckle

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 5/19/2008 at 02:04 PM

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/19/2008 at 02:36 PM
Now that's funny. I know a former UPS employee who'll get a good laugh out of this.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/19/2008 at 07:24 PM
Thanks for the laughs!

 

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Thanks for playing
R.I.P. Spacemonkey

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/19/2008 at 07:27 PM
Thanks for the laughs!

 

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Thanks for playing
R.I.P. Spacemonkey

 

Peach Extraordinaire



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  posted on 5/20/2008 at 07:06 PM
Ditto!

 

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"Seems to me that I once heard that everything is finally cured by time."

 
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Universal Peach



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  posted on 5/20/2008 at 09:21 PM
I think some of the mechanics may post once in a while on this site.

 

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Hey Yankees, you can take your crappy trophy's and shove them right up your asses!

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/21/2008 at 10:29 AM
quote:
I think some of the mechanics may post once in a while on this site.
Good! They should be able to relate! I think fast43 is a company guy, too.

 

____________________
"Come on down to the Mermaid Cafe and I will buy you a bottle of wine, and we'll laugh and toast to nothing and smash our empty glasses down..."

 

Zen Peach



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Posts: 24984
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Registered: 8/20/2004
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  posted on 5/21/2008 at 10:56 AM
He actually drove the truck this past weekend

 

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Co-Owner of Charlie Tabers Football

 
 


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