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Author: Subject: bad high school analogies

Extreme Peach





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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 08:15 AM
Worst High School Essay Analogies -The worst analogies found in high school essays

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 09:31 AM
Those are great!

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 09:34 AM
Unbelievable. I'm going to try to use some of these in work emails.

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 09:45 AM
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


that's too damn funny. nothing like mixing math and english classes together.

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 09:49 AM
Ouch.

Any word on whether they were public or private high schools?

 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 09:53 AM
I can't stop reading these. Every one, better than the last...

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 10:11 AM
Wow...what a sad commentary on the state of our educational system.

 

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Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 10:12 AM
I perfer mixing metaphors since im not the brightest crayon in the shed.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 10:15 AM
Wow. Let's try a complete about-face for a moment.

I would argue that these are some of the BEST analogies I have ever read.

You have the visually stunning:

quote:
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.


You have the Pythonesque or Vonnegutish nonsense:

quote:
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.


You have the tongue-in-cheek references to high school and popular culture:

quote:
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."


And you have at least one or two that are brilliantly subtle GOOD analogies:

quote:
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.


When it comes to humor, stupidity, or the appearance of stupidity, can and does work. (Stooges, Marx Bros., Mr. Bean, etc.).

My hat is off to the wonderful writers who came up with these gems.

Edit: I see that a few more replies have come in between the time I read the thread and the time I posted my thoughts. A couple of those were quite harsh. This isn't an attack on those commentators, but your remarks have prompted me to add a bit more.

quote:
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.


What is bad about that? Picture it. Fill a Hefty bag with vegetable soup, and drop it twelve stories onto the pavement. Now put a human body there instead of the bag of soup. Holy sh*t. That is an incredibly vivid image. Perhaps in terms of biology and physics, it's exaggerated, but all the more powerful because it is exaggerated.

If find the level of creativity and imagination that have gone into some of these to be quite impressive.


[Edited on 5/8/2008 by TopDroog]

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 11:19 AM
quote:
You have the Pythonesque or Vonnegutish nonsense:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.


i can picture Leslie Nielsen saying these in a Naked Gun movie.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 11:34 AM
Exactly.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/8/2008 at 02:27 PM
ROTFLMAO!!! Love this!

 

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