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Author: Subject: im lost(plz open me and help me?)

Peach Head





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  posted on 11/20/2007 at 07:23 PM
im 14.i devoted 4 yrs of my life to a girl.thats exactly 35% of my life,to one girl.your not gonna find any if 1 or 2 14 yr old boys that do that,right?well this girl went behind my back 7-8 times with this guy her ex or whatever and i said you know what i love you more than this kills me inside.i told i still loved her and trusted her and i stayed with her.i got kicked out of one the best schools in the COUNTRY partly because i got **** ty grades because i was too busy getting her off drugs,helping her thru everything and anything else you can think of.oh yeah her parents didnt have jobs,they lived in her grandparents house and everyone used her as their punching bag(not physically) for every problem and every little thing that happened that was bad.
well anyway a few days ago she started to talk to one of her friends who she had a minor crush on in 3RD GRADE!.and it welled down to this she went to his house.and they kissed and she came back and told me and i just like shut down.i said i still love you and i believe you wont do it again.next day she went ther they kissed more.basically she threw the 4 yrs i absolutely devoted to her(35% of my life so fay cuz im only 14)back in my face.in the 4 days since theyve met in person and skipped the Lou on me theyve had sex,made out,and hell prolly everything else you can think of.i love this girl with all my heart and i will and have always been her best friend.unfortunately im ripped down the middle,sideway and any other way you can think of.i already have enough problems in my life with my mom leaving and taking my little brother and my grandpa and all them **** ed up idiots on my moms side of the family.i dont know im just completely shutting down.ive been sad before over stuff,people have dealt major blows to me mentally and physically,theyve tried to destroy me,my own mother told me she **** in hates and hopes i die....but i didnt love her cuz i knew what she was.but i love this girl and idk if i can come back from this one.im welcome to all thoughts and opinions whether it be me trying to fix it or just telling her to screw off.

here the best part folks she said this is just a fling and shell get over it and fix this and come back to me in time.

[Edited on 4/6/1993 by thekid101]

[Edited on 4/6/1993 by thekid101]

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 11/20/2007 at 07:41 PM
Man, at 14, would be best to be hanging with your friends.

Way to young to be worrying about the opposite sex.

There's plenty of time further on down the road for those devilish females.

I still haven't figures those creatures out... and i'm and old dude.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 11/20/2007 at 07:51 PM
kid - I remember when you posted previously about some of the problems which were occurring in your family and know you were given a plateful of heartache with that situation. From what you say about comments your mother has made to you many of these family problems still exist. You know, you need a license to drive a car but they will let any idiot go out and reproduce - pardon me for any disrepect but I can't see a mother or any adult making statements like 'hate-you-die' to their own child or any other. I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with that kind of BS at such a young age. If I recall, you were faced with having to make some fairly grown-up decisions when your mom left about what would be in your own best interest as far as your living situation went. More junk thrown on that plateful of heartache.

I don't know if it will help you to hear this because I know your heart is breaking right now and heartache doesn't obey any rules regarding age, race, religion, etc, etc. It just is - hurts equally bad whatever. But (here goes the mom in me) you are 14 and you have a lifetime ahead of you - you need to keep yourself open to all of the possibilities that are out there. Yes, right now you are having problems with your sweetheart of 4 years, and that's a 3rd of your life. Sometimes that first love is one that lasts a lifetime but I think that's more of an exception than a rule. You indicated she's been unfaithful to you before - that's because she is young and not ready to settle down into a monogamous relationship. This isn't unusual for someone who is 14! Walk away from this girl and find somebody who is more respectful of your heart. Spend time with other friends - both male and female - and grow a variety of relationships. Don't be surprised if your next girlfriend isn't 'the one for life' either - you're still young. Hopefully you won't get your heart trampled so much the next time but make no mistake - heartache is a sad fact of life...but without it we wouldn't be able to appreciate or experience unbridled joy either. You've got plenty of time to find your diamond but there is no reason to be alone while you are looking. I heard this enough times when I was younger and just wanted to scream but as I aged I realized it was true...this too shall pass. So will your heartache.

[Edited on 11/21/2007 by lolasdeb]

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 11/20/2007 at 07:58 PM
What happened to you, while painful as can be, is unfortunately very normal. I would recommend that you resist the urge to be angry. Sometimes the best revenge is to appear completely fine with what happened. It's difficult I know, but really is the best thing. Try to throw yourself into something constructive, build something, try to earn some money in a small business (yard work or petsitting?), work out. Something physical where your mind does not dwell on this. And remember, if she had drug problems at such a young age, it may mean she has self-destructive urges, and sabotaging your relationship may be part of that. It is not you, it's her. You will come out of this a better man.

 

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Peach Head



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  posted on 11/22/2007 at 03:03 AM
ya know when i read this tears came to my eye.i know o other place where people are so caring and actualy give a s**t.thank you all.and uh my dad is gettting me ajob at a restuarant right across the street.a lot of what you guys all said has been said to me by other ppl i guess i just needed to hear it from other ppl on the other side of the fish blow looking in.

 

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hi i love my guitar.wanna jam? coolclown101 is my aim screen name just lemme know.

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 11/22/2007 at 09:48 AM
Remember that right now it is a third of your but by 20 yrs old it will only be 20% and years after that it will be a small percentage.

Sounds like you have plenty of issues to deal with and I feel for you. But as others have said there are many good times ahead. It seems like you have people to talk to which is really important. Sometimes it is even better if they don't know everyone involved. someone like a counselor, doctor, minister or family friend. They are not clouded by other issues and can provide some awesome advice.

The odds are that you will likely have a few more "lady friends" over the years despite how you may feel now. I don't know you or your friend but again others have said the right things. You are both young and don't need the extra stress of being bound to each other. And you have endless possibilities to look forward to. Just by reading your story, I think you already know the right thing to do. You can say that you trust her to us, her, friends and yourself but the question you must honestly answer is whether or not you do. The facts are laid out before you and you know them because you presented it to us. She has cheated before and she has again. Why would she stop? Don't mean to sound cruel but those are the facts. You seem like a bright guy so I think you have already come to that conclusion yourself. If you stay with her then she gets the best of two worlds. She gets you and believes that you will always accept it because you have in the past. At this point she is correct but that doesn't always have to be the case. You may both love each other but sometimes leaving is the best way of showing it. The longer you stay in the situation then the longer you will suffer. The only person that can control that and the only person you are responsible for is yourself.

I can see that by talking to others and reaching out here that you have already taken the first steps to helping yourself. Excellent choice!


 

Sublime Peach



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  posted on 11/22/2007 at 11:03 AM
You can't see this now my friend, because you are 14 years old. Your (girl)friend is a mixed up, confused human being who does not know what she wants. How do I know this? First, I assume that she is close to your age. Second, I know from experience that EVERY thirteen, fourteen or fifteen year old on this planet is a confused human being who does not know what they want. Even the great Derek Trucks, who was accomplished guitarist at age 11, had no idea at 14 where love might take him. DO NOT take any of this too seriously...........YOU ARE TOO YOUNG my friend. The pain will ease with time, and you will be better for the experience. Even if this girl WERE devoted to you, you are too young to be tied down without testing the waters a bit. PM me ANYTIME you need to talk. -Rob

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 11/22/2007 at 11:17 AM
Hi Kid. I'm so sorry to read about what happened. The first love you have is something that will never be duplicated. And a good thing that is because the first love is the hardest, teaching you lessons you don't especially want to learn. You've been through an awful lot for someone your age and you've held up remarkabley well inspite of all that's been thrown at you. Not only are you dealing with your broken heart, but also so much of everything else crowding in to make it worse.

I'll tell you what I told my children when they had their first broken heart. You'll heal in time and every other broken heart you have along the way will toughen it up until the time you find that perfect woman for you. Then, rather than loving in the young raw, innocent way you do now, you'll be able to be more mature about it and it will be stronger and last longer. It's true that time heals all wounds...or at least most of them.

But you're not there yet so I have another suggestion. I was fourteen once too and I remember how that first love felt. Put on some music, go into your room and cry until you can't cry any more. You may have to do it a few times even but get it out. Don't keep it bottled up inside of you. And as for her....she seems to be a very sad girl. It's natural to be angry, but try to not hate her. You love her so there must have been something of value there and hate only hurts you more.

If you need anyone, all you have to do is reach out like you did .......you've got a lot of people here who care.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 11/22/2007 at 11:49 AM
quote:
ya know when i read this tears came to my eye.i know o other place where people are so caring and actualy give a s**t.thank you all.and uh my dad is gettting me ajob at a restuarant right across the street.a lot of what you guys all said has been said to me by other ppl i guess i just needed to hear it from other ppl on the other side of the fish blow looking in.

People are wonderful here. The remarks made especially by Deb and Brock are the truly what it's all about...you'll see as you go along my friend! I can tell you'll be alright...

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 11/22/2007 at 12:41 PM
Hey Kid, You know this is all happening for a reason. In your case I think it is happening to give you the chance to become the master of your own emotions. Trust me, I can speak to you about this from experience. Some people learn the lessons that you have the chance to learn right now at a later age- in their college years, their twenties, thirties, even later than that. That is why heartbreaking & aching can happen however old you may be.

But what you have to focus on now is learning how to understand why you feel the things you do when all these a$$holes that are treating YOU like their own personal punching bag think they can come back to you to dish out some more of the same old bull$hit.

Maybe in your mind what hurts the most is that the people that you know should be the closest & most trustworthy people in your life are the ones that are betraying your trust & ability to offer love. Well, son, they don't deserve it anymore do they? That doesn't mean that someone who is deserving won't come along & keep you company & mirror back to you the good you shine on them. You just have to be patient & not become distrustful because of a few bastardly individuals who are magnetized toward your good energy.

Stay strong & positive to everyone around you. But most importantly love yourself before you try to love someone else. And you can't do that if you continue to pour your good in to those who don't desrve it.

Like I said I speak from a life time of personal experience, involving a neglectful drug addict & certifiably insane father, the cheating girlfriend of four years, who I followed through four different colleges & three major cities, & years of being with the wrong hateful girls trying to replace the one I thought I loved so much.

If there is any more you want to know about me shoot me a pm. I'd be happy to share with you how I have become a successful husband & father.

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 09:59 AM

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 11:46 AM
14 is too young to have a committed relationship. Not surprised by this gals behavior because that is how
girls can be at your age.


The lack of emotional support your family can't provide because of its fractured nature makes this even
more difficult for you.

Try to keep busy with other things and don't just sit around feeling sad. Get involved with something
you really like to do and this sadness will pass.


 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 01:15 PM
Ah, Grasshopper.....I suggest you go out and rent the movie Crossroads. Your situation is not unique to you. It's part of being a person. Might be wise to cut your losses, move on. You're going to be grown, dealing with stuff like this, for a long, long time. You're only going to be 14 once. Play it for all it's worth. Cause you can't go back. Once you're grown, your youth is over. Don't get bogged down on relationships, plenty of time for that.

But what you're feeling is just part of being a real human. I went out Wed. night, crossed paths with one of 2 that's ever really mattered. Got the hell away, got pretty bad drunk. Hurts like hell, no matter how old you are. Just part of being a person.

 
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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 01:35 PM
hey bro, trust me . you will get over it. when i was 16 i had a girlfriend that was 7 years older than me. i thought it was love, but it was not . i know you think it wont get better but i promise it will. you are a young guy. listen to music, go play ball, hang with your bud's. plus, you have everyone here to talk to. good luck buddy, you will come out a much stronger person when this is all over.
 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 01:55 PM
Many of you don't think it's possible to love at 14 years of age. I was in love when I was 4 years old, I just adored him and when I was 5 and we started school everybody had an opinion on it. When I was 6 me, him and my best friend sometimes 1 or 2 others would hang out at lunch time. When I was 7, the teachers saw we were still engrossed with each other, they didn't like it, they wanted to separate us, the next year his family moved to Florida and I was devastated. I never got over it, and I think if I ran into him today, I'd still love him and maybe we'd just pick up where we left off. I loved my little cowboy.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 02:10 PM
quote:
im 14.i devoted 4 yrs of my life to a girl.thats exactly 35% of my life,to one girl.your not gonna find any if 1 or 2 14 yr old boys that do that,right?well this girl went behind my back 7-8 times with this guy her ex or whatever and i said you know what i love you more than this kills me inside.i told i still loved her and trusted her and i stayed with her.i got kicked out of one the best schools in the COUNTRY partly because i got **** ty grades because i was too busy getting her off drugs,helping her thru everything and anything else you can think of.oh yeah her parents didnt have jobs,they lived in her grandparents house and everyone used her as their punching bag(not physically) for every problem and every little thing that happened that was bad.
well anyway a few days ago she started to talk to one of her friends who she had a minor crush on in 3RD GRADE!.and it welled down to this she went to his house.and they kissed and she came back and told me and i just like shut down.i said i still love you and i believe you wont do it again.next day she went ther they kissed more.basically she threw the 4 yrs i absolutely devoted to her(35% of my life so fay cuz im only 14)back in my face.in the 4 days since theyve met in person and skipped the Lou on me theyve had sex,made out,and hell prolly everything else you can think of.i love this girl with all my heart and i will and have always been her best friend.unfortunately im ripped down the middle,sideway and any other way you can think of.i already have enough problems in my life with my mom leaving and taking my little brother and my grandpa and all them **** ed up idiots on my moms side of the family.i dont know im just completely shutting down.ive been sad before over stuff,people have dealt major blows to me mentally and physically,theyve tried to destroy me,my own mother told me she **** in hates and hopes i die....but i didnt love her cuz i knew what she was.but i love this girl and idk if i can come back from this one.im welcome to all thoughts and opinions whether it be me trying to fix it or just telling her to screw off.

here the best part folks she said this is just a fling and shell get over it and fix this and come back to me in time.

[Edited on 4/6/1993 by thekid101]

[Edited on 4/6/1993 by thekid101]


He problem is low self esteem, you devote yourself to her, deep down she doesn't feel like she deserves it (because of what her family has put her thru giving her a bad self image). She also is overwhelmed at this time and not able to make or accept a long term commitment. I loved someone when I was 15 but I didn't really get a chance to know him till the next year, his life was very unhappy and when we did get together he could not accept unconditional love, it was too overwhelming. Eventually when we were 17 he realized and told me I was the only one who ever really loved him, but a lot of people were against 'us' as an 'us'. He wanted me to move to Florida with him when I was 18 but by that point I realized he had some problems I could not help him solve. He stayed here for 2 more years hoping I would change my mind, but I couldn't because he could not take care of himself, much less take care of me. I'll always love him (sometimes I'd call him at 2 or 3 in the morning 5-6 years later and just talk to him about what could have been and cry), but love is not always enough; that is one the the cruelest lessons you can learn in life. His drug and alcohol problems will remain with him throughout his life because he never got over his Father dieing when he was 7 years old. I can't fix that. He'd need a therapist and even then sometimes people's pain is just too deep and they will never get over some things. I can tell you that love is a gift for the time you have it, so enjoy it, embrace it and then when you have to move on, accept that it is a growing experience.

At some point this girl that you love now, maybe she will come back to you, want to make a commitment, but right now she has things of her own she needs to work out. Nothing will ease your pain, time will lessen the sensation of it but it will always be there. Our hearts are like stainglass windows, they get light thru them, they get broken and the cracks stay in there, but eventually you have a beautiful mosaic out of it.

 

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"Mankind is a single nation" "Allah did not make you a single people so he could try you in what he gave you, to him you will all return, he will inform you where you differed". Quran Chapter 2 Sura 213

 

A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 03:13 PM
Gina--with some of the whacky **** that you have posted on here it certainly doesn't surprise me
 

True Peach



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 08:25 PM
I remember when I was 16...I dated this very beautiful girl from Germany. She was way out of my league. For a constant year all she did was cheat on me. Sleeping with my so called best friends. I thought I was in love with her, and I let her run over me...time after time. She used to tell me "Those other guys are just sex, but with you and I it's love." I finally took all I could take and broke up with her. It hurt, but I later met a very sweet girl who treated me so much better. When I was young, I always thought every girlfriend was THE ONE AND ONLY.

I always said "Relationships are like chapters in a book"

Later on when I was in my 20's, the German girl had moved to Florida. She came back and searched me down(I was married). She said I was the sweetest guy she had ever dated and when she got older she realized she had treated me so bad....that she wanted to come back and apologize to me. She also introduced me to her Girlfiend..haha.

Hang in there young Dude, you have some good folks here to talk to..and they really care. Your young and things will get better for ya. You just have to hang in there and be strong. Just when you least expect it...you will meet the right person for you. You just have to be a good person and treat others the way you want to be treated..and hope for the best.

You got caring friends here....don't forget that.

[Edited on 11/24/2007 by OldDirtRoad]

 

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Peach Pro



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  posted on 11/23/2007 at 11:05 PM
wow dude i been there befor at around the same age and lucky for me at that time i discovered the allman bos band and the blues. you have probly already discoverd the abb seein how your postin here but let me tell you what i did i started out with the abb listening to the songs as a escape and a release of the things that were going on that i could not change in life... well i went on a blues escape all the way to robert johnson and back. and let me tell you that took some time. and that is what i suggest to you is time... give yourself some time in a quite place when ever you can and listen to what your inner voice is telling you. you will not hear it in drugs or alcohol. you will hear it very easy in the solitude of music in the allman brothers band from blue sky ( good ol sunday morning bells are ringin every where ) to (please call home (take one last look befor you leave). its in the music where the answers will come. be still and listen.
 

Peach Head



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  posted on 11/26/2007 at 06:53 AM
hey thanks everyone for being here.i do have something i love...guitar.guitar is my life.no matter where i go its always there,all my friends play.its kinda funny cuz after all this $Hit happened somethings kinda came together.i went over my friends house that lives nearby and we jameed,my helped me find this job at a local restuarant,and i found my true love,a satin red strat with black pick guard.

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 11/26/2007 at 07:20 AM
Hey kid, Good to hear from you. A lot of good people here have been thinking about you. Glad to hear you have some good things going on. Keep checking in.

 

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