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Author: Subject: The pain of depression, anxiety and panic thread.

True Peach





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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 08:36 PM
Hey Folks,

I feel bad for coming here and speaking of this once again....but I feel I have more friends here than I do anywhere else.

After going almost a year and 6 months depression/anxiety free....it has creeped up on me and has got it's hold on me again..almost as bad as before. I'm at least trying to go to work each day...but it's not an easy thing to do. Last time I got to where I did not want to leave the house..but at that time i was not working.

It's easy for some people to "snap out of it" or "just not let it get to them"...but I have so far been unable to do that without help of an anti-depressent. Thats what got me here....I got to feeling so well that I stopped my Prozac 6 months ago. I know Prozac has a bad rep with some people..but it has helped me twice before and i'm praying it will again. The bad part is that it gives me a terrible feeling until it "kicks in"...and I have a hard time dealing with it and the side effects.

I was an effin idiot for stopping my med, what a fool. But I have tinnitus(ear ringing) and it gets worse when I take it. I also take small doses of Xanax(.5)..mostly at night. It helps me calm down..but I don't want to over do it...so I use it when i'm at my worst. If i'm here typing and acting fine..then usually it's because the Xanax has helped me. I had gotten to where I only needed it every once in a while when I got better...but now it's a daily help for me.

I Don't care to try any of the other anti-depressents...because Prozac has helped me.

When i'm at my worst..I get to feeling as if I can't keep going on like this...but deep inside I want to "beat it" again....but it gets so damn hard.

I'm not an "off the wall nut case"...I had been feeling great....but when I started having Blood pressure problems 4 weeks ago....I guess thats when my old foe decided to get me in it's grip again. My Doc said that Anxiety was more than likely the cause for my BP tp rise. He did not put me on any BP meds...citing that he believed I was in the begginings of a major anxiety/depression episode.

I have been working as a Courier since I got better the last time..and I enjoy driving so much...but now it's a major task just to get out of bed and go to work. Drivng and Anxiety do not go together well...but I have to keep working.

I'm not going to go on with my whinning any further..........I know there is much worse happening to other folks around here....Brother Bobo who has been through so much and the loss of Brother Neil...it made me feel sad.

I just need some friends to say a prayer for me.....i'm just hoping God will help me through this one more time..like he did before.

If any of you are dealing with this(Depression, Panic or Anxiety) and care to reply in this thread or PM me..feel free to. It helps to share the pain.

I'm not trying to be a "Drama King"...I just have a hard time dealing with it.

I hate bringing my troubles out at a place thats not for that specific purpose.....

But like I said...a lot of folks here mean a lot to me.

I hope you all understand why i'm posting this thread.....I know for sure i'm not the only one here that has had to deal with this.

Your Friend,
Kenny

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 09:00 PM
hang in there kid!, you are not alone. I think all of us suffer from depression and anxiety to some degree. some worse than others, and admitting it shows you to be a strong person in my opinion. heavy physical activity helps me deal with mine [cant deal with the side effects of drugs!.]
 

Universal Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 09:31 PM
Don't feel bad for coming here Kenny there are quite a few of us that suffer from depression as well and we understand where you are coming from and KNOW that you can't just snap out of it without help. It's not going to get you this time either! Stay in touch with your doctor and I'm glad you're pushing yourself to go to work and not giving it more of a hold over you then it already has....

 

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Peach Master



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 09:34 PM
Prayers and good thoughts to you.

If this helps…things will almost certainly get better. Think of all the times life totally sucked, and how that suckiness eventually dissipated and life was good.

Good times will come again.

 

True Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 09:37 PM
I'm pulling for you Kenny. I hope you and your doctor get this straightened out. Not to add to your problems, but did you see that the old 688 Club is now a medical office? "What seems to be the trouble, Brock? It hurts when I pogo these days."

 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 09:51 PM
quote:
But like I said...a lot of folks here mean a lot to me.


I forgot to say we're rather fond of you as well...

 

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Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 10:07 PM
Kenny many of us have faced this or something like it. My mom and dad both did and I've had bouts of depression too. Don't beat yourself up about stopping your meds - I think that's pretty common and I know my mom did often, and you're right, it takes time to build up. In the mean time, you have friends and support here...I don't know you but I've read enough of your posts to feel like I do and I can tell you're a person I'd like if we met. There's light at the end of the tunnel, bro, hang in.

Greg

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 10:18 PM
You're in my prayers Kenny.
I wish you all the best.

 

Sublime Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 10:38 PM
We are all right here for you, Kenny. I am wishing you all the best, man. From one in the medical field: Stay on the meds is the best advice I can give you. Anytime you want to talk, send me a PM. -Rob

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 10:48 PM
Depression just takes the joy out of life. I have suffered from 'major' depression(Dr's name for it) for several years now. It was so bad at one point I couldn't get out of bed and just stared into space for hours at a time in a silent house. I am stabilized with two anti-depressants and I will never stop taking them because I don't want to get back to that dark, silent place. You cannot 'just snap out of it'. When I would wake up, usually by noon, I felt such heaviness that it felt like someone was holding me down. Music helped me more than anything. That's why I love the ABB and Gregg so much. The music is healing. My best friends would ask me "why are you depressed?" My answer was "I don't know". I hope you can work this out with your doctor and keep trying to do what you can. I am probably a few years older than you and that could make a difference too. I will have you in my thoughts and feel free to PM me anytime. God love you. This is one monster you are fighting and you can win.
 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 10:49 PM
Some of the greatest figures in history suffered from severe depression. Winston Churchill was often incapacitated for months on end by what he called his "black dog". Lincoln suffured severe bouts of depression as well. You are not alone. Just don't despair and do what you have to do to get better.

Doug

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 10:49 PM
Check your PM's.
See a professional; change your meds; don't let yourself get hungry, angry, lonely or tired. Don't beat yourself up.
Oh yeah, try to stay out of bed and do things, even if it's just reading or watching TV. I tend to sleep when I'm down - it's an escape but you gotta wake up sometime.
Go to work. That's the worst - not only does it piss off the boss, you end up feeling anxious and guilty about not showing up. Sometimes, that's all I can manage to do but once I get going, I'm glad I did.
You are not alone, not by a long shot.

[Edited on 10/22/2007 by Pastdreams]

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 11:11 PM
Kenny, don't stop coming here..this is home..
don't be too hard on yourself...

we all feel deep pain..

keep fighting man..one minute at a time if you have too..

this world needs all of us around..

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 11:15 PM
quote:
You are not alone, not by a long shot.[Edited on 10/22/2007 by Pastdreams]


It's true
Kenny I have the same issues -- I'll spell it out bluntly, hoping I won't lose anyone's respect -- but I struggle in the workaday world to the point of destitution, which in turn brings on bouts of depression and anxiety -- I have been in residence at my mom's for the past two years because I haven't been able to find a full time job -- I'm good at a lot of things, the workaday world isn't one of them though -- have never established a "niche" -- this in a family of highly successful siblings who all own modern homes, have kids etc -- to say it's been difficult would be an understatement
I really respect you for posting that, that's why I'm posting this as well -- I have started a full time job again recently, hopefully it will go OK...

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 10/21/2007 at 11:28 PM
My thoughts are with you, Kenny. I'm close to several people who suffer from depression. I know what it does to them. Keep on the meds. I hope you'll come through this. The people on this site are a great source of support.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 01:58 AM
I feel your pain bro, trust me.

I am with ya 100% bud..

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 03:17 AM
Hey kenny:

I understand, totally. I had to call in my scrip for Lorazapam ( Ativan) today. I started getting these episodes about 3 years ago. Scary as hell, and just a all around bummer. BUt, no worries, Millions of people have this issue too. And as a Paramedic friend of mine told me, "Don't Worry, no matter how bad a panic attack may be, you can't die from it, even though you feel like you are" Just do your breathing exercises, and if that doesnt work, feel free to PM me anytime, and I will talk you through it. Just know that your not alone, and on here, even as strangers, you have friends. Warmest regards, Brian

 

True Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 04:10 AM
quote:
Kenny, don't stop coming here.. this is home..
don't be too hard on yourself...

we all feel deep pain..

keep fighting man..one minute at a time if you have too..

this world needs all of us around..

i can't say it no better'n that kenny my love you know i'm here and i'm prayin for you

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 05:32 AM

Thanks for your support and kind words.........at least I don't feel alone.

heading out to work now....getting some much needed rain here in Ga....but it will make to driving a little more stressful.

I will reply to any PM's I have gotten..tonight.

Thanks again.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 06:18 AM
The best thing you can do is talk or write about it, this helps get it all out instead of holding it all in. Look at all the love and support you have here...this is one great family!

We're all here for you Kenny. As Lana would say...know that you are loved!

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 07:25 AM
Hang in there Kenny.You too Stephen,thanks for sharin bro.I've suffered from depression since I was about 13,one of the things that led me so deeply into drugs & alcohol abuse.When I start getting down,sometimes it helps tp think of things that I have to be grateful for in my life.I mean the small things,my dog,the sun,people who love me,the rain,the tress,people who act foolish('cause they show me how not to act )If I wait for the windfalls to make me happy I will never have true gratitude of the heart,& gratitude is the opposite of self-pity,which lets face it sometimes that's what causes and/or deepens our depression.I've been on Lexapro for about a year now,it helps,tried taking benzos(xanax) for a few months but I just wound up abusing them('cause that's how I roll )You might try finding a local support group in your area,just like this it helps to share & discuss your problem with a group of understanding,empathetic people.Try smiling more,you'd be surprised how it can help sometimes(fake it 'till ya make it).Keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel(and no,it's not a train!).
peace & love,
-Colin

 

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Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 07:28 AM
Kenny,
It sounds like you really do have it together, even if it feels otherwise. You're back on meds (stay on them!!), working, and reaching out for support. Just keep it up....one day (or hour) at a time. Are you getting some physical release? On my darkest days, the ones where I'm sure I can't get off the sofa, I drag myself out the door for a run, walk, bike ride, hike, etc. The first few minutes are tiring, but I keep going, sweat a little, and always feel better. Hang in there!

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 07:32 AM
Yo Kenny. I hope things are better for you today. I've had clinical depression issues, too, so I know what it's like to be down in a dark place. Like everyone here has said, we're here for you. Keep you chin up.

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 07:38 AM
Hey Kenny,

Always thinking good thoughts for you my friend. Do what you have to do to feel better.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/22/2007 at 07:48 AM
Hey Kenny

I won't state what the others already have. We all wish the best for you. Anytime you want to talk or blow off some steam, I am only a button push away.

 
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