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Author: Subject: Parenting advice request

Zen Peach





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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:17 AM
Lately my 9 year old son has been having problems with other kids at his bus stop.

Basically the other kids, same age, live around the corner, kind of a click, and are just flat out mean spirited. Now my son is no angel ( ) but he is a nice kid with a good heart. But a bit immature compared to his classmates. Also, he can be sensitive. Which the others have picked up on and run with. They do things constantly to annoy him and he rises to the bait everytime. Something in there won't let him just ignore it.

Anyway, there is a long standing rule at the bus stop. Whenever yo get there, that's your place in line to get on the bus. Today, these kids suddenly decided to alter the rule because my son is ahead of them. So my son had enough and pushed the other kid around while everyone else laughed at him.

The best part, there were 4 parents standing there doing nothin while they threw each other down and pushed and shoved. Personally, I would have stepped up and said something. Bt I was down the street in my truck and saw something happening and drove up to dress the kids down. I guess, now, I will have to stand with him for the time being.

My son has been going to this bus stop since 1st grade and these other kids can go to another but started coming down to prove their worth I guess. The school district has a no bullying policy ( if it can be enforced) but I don't think my son should have to switch bus stops because of some jackasses nor do I think he should have to be subjected to the abuse neither.

Am i being overprotective or just let it go and let him beat the crap out of some kid and get suspended? rushing to the school for help won't do much since the parents don't seem to give a crap either.

Sigh


 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:22 AM
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I guess, now, I will have to stand with him for the time being.


That's the thing to do.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:28 AM
I would think the bus driver would have the responsibility to report this to the school. As soon as the other parents have to start driving their kids back and forth to school for a few weeks instead of catching the bus, the problem usually clears up.
Hope this clears up soon. Some parents let their kids be real jerks.

 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:33 AM
I'd beat up the other kids parents, no that would be wrong. But its always opt B

I would call your school and let them know whats going on and if it continues then I would make an appearance. I think your kid may get more harrasement from Dad being at the stop every day.

Shame on the adults who stand by without at least speaking up, hell I have teachers at the school I teach who just keep walking when kids are getting out of line. Pathetic. Thats one thing that has changed since I was a kid, adults would step up back then, not so much these days

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:40 AM
It was easier when we were young. My advice is to let him kick the kids' asses but that will get him in trouble at school. Which makes no sense at all to me.

My nephew had some problems years ago. He was in Grade 1 at the time. I helped my sister with the kids so the school cal;ls and tell me there is a problem and there has been a fight. I leave work and go to the school. Some kids were picking on my nephew and trying to take his chocolate chip cookies. He stood up for himself and fought back. I asked the principal who he fought with. He mentioned that the other child was in the hallway. I had seen him on the way in. I said that he looked pretty old to be the kid in question. I was informed that he was in grade 6! I asked the principal if he was out of his mind. I get called in because a kid in Grade 1 fights a kid in Grade 6 over a cookie. Unbelieveable. What a waste of my time. I could see if they were in the same class because they might continue fighting.

I called my nephew in and asked what happened. He said that the other kid was trying to take his cookie and he wouldn't let the kid have it. So the other kid hit him and he fought back. I asked the principal if the story was accurate and he said yes. I asked if he was out of his mind calling parents in for stuff like this. He said that there was a zero tolerance policy for fighting. A five yrs old fighting a 12 yrs old???

He said that both children would be sent home. I said fine and told him that the next time that someone tried to steal my nephew's cookie I would instruct him to do the exact same thing. Stand up for himself and don't get pushed around. The principal said that I seemed pleased. I told him I was. Any kid that will stand up for himself against someone twice the age and twice the size is doing the right thing.

I asked the principal what he did when kids stole his cookies? Then I told him that I would take my nephew out for a treat to reward him for standing up for himself.

If your son can handle himself then my advice is to let him be. But there are all sorts of situations that could arise I guess. He will eventually have to deal with it without you being there.

 

Universal Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:48 AM
Well at the opposite spectrum why is it when you are violent on the street its a crime and when a 17 year old beats the hell out of a kid at school its only 3 days suspension, schools should go after criminal charges for violent acts, especially when kids are in HS.

Principal should have CRUSHED that 12 year old, picking on a 5 yr old.

I agree that standing up for yourself is important in life, but there also needs to be settling problems peacefully if possible, then if its on, go, full tilt buggy

 

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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:48 AM
I agree with Hai. When it becomes an inconvenience for the other parents they take notice of a problem. With that said I think other parents may be scared of what would happen to them if they stepped in due to liability issues when you do so much as "touch" another kid. Most teachers won't even do that anymore for fear of losing their job.

Teach him self defense & when to use it. Stay back a half a block in your truck until the bus comes. If he gets in a fight give him a minute to kick their bully butts, then remove HIM from the situation without so much as interacting with the other kids. That clears up your liability, gives him the independence the situation warrants, and allows you to ensure his protection.

[Edited on 10/17/2007 by slowhand6]

 

A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:51 AM
if your son can handle himself then i would let him stand up to the kids. If not, you need to step in with either the other parents or the school. It is a really tough situation but of most importance is keeping up your kid's self esteem. Its truly unusual that this would happen at your home bus stop with other parents looking on.

I am glad my kids are in college because this brings back those days.

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 11:57 AM
You really don't want to hang at the bus stop, trust me on that one!

We had a little problem at the beginning of the year at the bus stop here which is at the end of my driveway where I pay a LOT of money for rent and is private property, but the kids from down the road would come here and cause problems. Abi is 10 and these boys are about 14 and one girl 15. Well one day one of the boys pulled Abi's hair and I told her to take that bag of books she lugs around and swing it at him a good one. So she refused to do it because she didn't want to get in trouble. I told her if she does it in the driveway she wont get in trouble, since I am the boss of what she is doing and I am giving her permission to do it. 4 days in a row he pulls her hair and she does nothing, so I sneak outside just as they are lining up for the bus and I said in my outdoor voice, "IF THAT BOY SO MUCH AS TOUCHES ONE STRAND OF HAIR ON YOUR HEAD YOU HIT HIM WITH THAT BAG OF BOOKS AND I MEAN IT!" at that point they all turn around and my cute daughter gives me a dirty look and that boy looks like he might pee his pants. They all get on the bus and I await her coming home fired up at me. Oh boy was she! BUT she also had a chance to take care of it herself and she chose not to so I had to do something. We talked about bullies and how to handle problems with older kids and things. Next morning, no kids out at the bus stop to bother her, they wait at their own driveway now and we haven't had a problem since.

My advice is if the other kids have another stop to wait at and that was where they came from, ask the parents to keep them back at their old stop to avoid the problem and if they don't the bus driver can be clued in to the situation and he will tell them to wait at the old stop. This could cause problems on the bus too when you aren't around. Then you would have to let the school know and they can handle it.

 

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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 12:16 PM
quote:
I'd beat up the other kids parents, no that would be wrong. But its always opt B

I would call your school and let them know whats going on and if it continues then I would make an appearance. I think your kid may get more harrasement from Dad being at the stop every day.

Shame on the adults who stand by without at least speaking up, hell I have teachers at the school I teach who just keep walking when kids are getting out of line. Pathetic. Thats one thing that has changed since I was a kid, adults would step up back then, not so much these days



Hey Neil us Jersey people think alike. Beat the snot out of the parents

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 01:55 PM
quote:
Well at the opposite spectrum why is it when you are violent on the street its a crime and when a 17 year old beats the hell out of a kid at school its only 3 days suspension, schools should go after criminal charges for violent acts, especially when kids are in HS.

Principal should have CRUSHED that 12 year old, picking on a 5 yr old.

I agree that standing up for yourself is important in life, but there also needs to be settling problems peacefully if possible, then if its on, go, full tilt buggy


Neil

That is what blew me away. They were treating a 12 yrs old bully the same as the 5 yrs old victim. Besides the fact that the school should be able to deal with that type of issue and not call a parent out of work for something that silly.

I don't condone or preach violence but I will not punish any child in my care for standing up for themselves when being bullied. The school/principal actually called my sister and told her that my attitude towards the situation was completely wrong and that I should have punished him. Punish a 5 yrs old because another kid was trying to take his cookies?

I returned to the school and told the principal to

a) Mind his own business and do his job. I remended him that a personal comment was just that and next time be man enough to say it to my face.

b) Asked him how he can handle an entire school when he can't even deal with a cookie issue without involving parents.

c) Review the difference between bully and victim and also to study the difference physically and mentally between a 5 yrs vs a 12 yrs old.

I then told him I was taking his pen set from his desk and picked it up. He was stunned, confused and had no idea how to act. He said that i had to return it. I said no. He then said that he would have to call the police. I asked him if the police would charge us both and treat us equally. He responded "Of course not. I didn't steal anything. ". I tossed his pens to him and said " No charge for the first lesson on the difference between bully/victim. Hope you don't need more.".

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 01:57 PM
Appreciate the responses. Especially Hai's. Got a laugh out of that thinking it would be nice to do just to spite the other parents. But that's probably not the answer.

Something to reflect on, but I think it will come down to getting the school involved since they tout their no-bully policy so much. If not, the other kids parents are in for a visit from an unamused lonomon.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 01:59 PM
quote:
I then told him I was taking his pen set from his desk and picked it up. He was stunned, confused and had no idea how to act. He said that i had to return it. I said no. He then said that he would have to call the police. I asked him if the police would charge us both and treat us equally. He responded "Of course not. I didn't steal anything. ". I tossed his pens to him and said " No charge for the first lesson on the difference between bully/victim. Hope you don't need more.".
Touche CM!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 02:00 PM
quote:
quote:
Well at the opposite spectrum why is it when you are violent on the street its a crime and when a 17 year old beats the hell out of a kid at school its only 3 days suspension, schools should go after criminal charges for violent acts, especially when kids are in HS.

Principal should have CRUSHED that 12 year old, picking on a 5 yr old.

I agree that standing up for yourself is important in life, but there also needs to be settling problems peacefully if possible, then if its on, go, full tilt buggy


Neil

That is what blew me away. They were treating a 12 yrs old bully the same as the 5 yrs old victim. Besides the fact that the school should be able to deal with that type of issue and not call a parent out of work for something that silly.

I don't condone or preach violence but I will not punish any child in my care for standing up for themselves when being bullied. The school/principal actually called my sister and told her that my attitude towards the situation was completely wrong and that I should have punished him. Punish a 5 yrs old because another kid was trying to take his cookies?

I returned to the school and told the principal to

a) Mind his own business and do his job. I remended him that a personal comment was just that and next time be man enough to say it to my face.

b) Asked him how he can handle an entire school when he can't even deal with a cookie issue without involving parents.

c) Review the difference between bully and victim and also to study the difference physically and mentally between a 5 yrs vs a 12 yrs old.

I then told him I was taking his pen set from his desk and picked it up. He was stunned, confused and had no idea how to act. He said that i had to return it. I said no. He then said that he would have to call the police. I asked him if the police would charge us both and treat us equally. He responded "Of course not. I didn't steal anything. ". I tossed his pens to him and said " No charge for the first lesson on the difference between bully/victim. Hope you don't need more.".




DAMN!!!

 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 02:09 PM
I totally agree with your reasoning, your nephew is a brave young man, good for him, shame on the Principal.

I never teach my kid/students that violence is the answer either but when attacked I tell them to defend themselves, anything else is just stupid.

Being a 20 year veteran of teaching High school I deal with kids old enough to be aware that violence against another person is a criminal offense. I think alot of violence on campuses across america would be stopped if administrators called police and had the aggressor arrested and have all the other kids see them taken away in Hand cuffs instead of making it a school issue. This may be why I have never been asked to go into administration because I see it as a right/wrong issue not a school political issue

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 02:10 PM
quote:
Well at the opposite spectrum why is it when you are violent on the street its a crime and when a 17 year old beats the hell out of a kid at school its only 3 days suspension, schools should go after criminal charges for violent acts, especially when kids are in HS.

Principal should have CRUSHED that 12 year old, picking on a 5 yr old.

I agree that standing up for yourself is important in life, but there also needs to be settling problems peacefully if possible, then if its on, go, full tilt buggy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----



Neil

That is what blew me away. They were treating a 12 yrs old bully the same as the 5 yrs old victim. Besides the fact that the school should be able to deal with that type of issue and not call a parent out of work for something that silly.

I don't condone or preach violence but I will not punish any child in my care for standing up for themselves when being bullied. The school/principal actually called my sister and told her that my attitude towards the situation was completely wrong and that I should have punished him. Punish a 5 yrs old because another kid was trying to take his cookies?

I returned to the school and told the principal to

a) Mind his own business and do his job. I remended him that a personal comment was just that and next time be man enough to say it to my face.

b) Asked him how he can handle an entire school when he can't even deal with a cookie issue without involving parents.

c) Review the difference between bully and victim and also to study the difference physically and mentally between a 5 yrs vs a 12 yrs old.

I then told him I was taking his pen set from his desk and picked it up. He was stunned, confused and had no idea how to act. He said that i had to return it. I said no. He then said that he would have to call the police. I asked him if the police would charge us both and treat us equally. He responded "Of course not. I didn't steal anything. ". I tossed his pens to him and said " No charge for the first lesson on the difference between bully/victim. Hope you don't need more



bravo...but...

i will tell you why,in my opinion common sense goes out the window in these situations..

three words...

MONEY, LAWYERS, LAWSUITS...

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 02:30 PM
I hear you Lefty. It has made the schooling system more difficult. Sometimes the school's hands are tied.

In a cookie situation, the only one who should have been in trouble should have been the older child. Even then, the parents should not have had to go to the school. A call to the parents would have sufficed. After that it is the parents job to take care of it. If my son steals from others than the last people he needs to worry about are at school.

I agree with Neil on High School issues. Handcuffs can teach kids a lesson that words cannot at times.

Suspension is a useless tool for many cases. I would have loved it in school because i would have gotten days off. My buddies and I would have fought each other just to be able to miss school.

I was suspended enough as it was.

 

Universal Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 03:02 PM
Yea I would be suspended for ditching, irony? I think so, punishment would have been forced to attend class!

The lawyer comment is the truth but I am sick of letting poor behavior go on with little consequence because of that fear of a law suit. The majority of the kids suffer because our schools suffer, I would go to war for an adminstration that would say rights right,wrongs wrong, we will see you in court

Lonomon, good luck, let us know whats up with your situation, its harder being the parent than the teacher , I know that as my daughter is 17 and we have dealt with similar concerns as she was growing up.

 

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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 03:09 PM
groups of kids = gang of wolves.

it's tough being a kid.

just wait until 7th grade, where the real animals come out...



 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 03:15 PM
Hey CM, if we ever get to meet, I wanna buy you a beer.

 

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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 03:18 PM
At my HS, if you punch a kid in the nose and it bleeds, the school will press charges on you and take you to court.

they are pretty serious for a town with 600-1000 people tops.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 03:20 PM
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Hey CM, if we ever get to meet, I wanna buy you a beer.


Only one? Hell dave, that is quite a drive for one beer.

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 03:23 PM
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quote:
Hey CM, if we ever get to meet, I wanna buy you a beer.
Only one? Hell dave, that is quite a drive for one beer.
OK, make it a 40 oz...or two.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 03:31 PM
quote:
quote:
quote:
Hey CM, if we ever get to meet, I wanna buy you a beer.
Only one? Hell dave, that is quite a drive for one beer.
OK, make it a 40 oz...or two.


Now it is worth the drive. But I'll stick with the beer though. Hard stuff makes me a little out of control as the years pass.

Would love to tilt a few back with you also. Not to mention a little jam action. Been trying to convince the Mrs. that Wanee would be a good family vacation. She rolls her eyes as usual. She seems to think Disney is more "family" than Wanee.

I'll just tell her that they can visit Mickey while I visit Dave and the Southern Crew.

 

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  posted on 10/17/2007 at 03:34 PM
Maybe you could hook up with your child and the kids being the bullies. Maybe they can all get together for pizza. I use to have some bullies when I was in school, a light went off, and then we all were very good friends..........I dont know what made us friends, but in the end we were....

 

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