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Author: Subject: Suicide

A Peach Supreme





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  posted on 8/25/2007 at 11:29 PM
Since there's not much being said about the loss of one of our brothers to this sad state of affairs, who of y'all out there have experienced the desire, the loss of a loved one, and what are your thoughts?
If Charles Bignon can leave us any legacy at all, maybe a discussion of this subject might be part of his legacy.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 8/25/2007 at 11:55 PM
I worked for the crisis center hot line for a while in the 70s and I learned a couple of things. First, I learned the people who talked about suicide usually were the ones who were crying out for help. Second, I learned those who didn't say a word about it were the ones who just called to say goodbye.

I never figured out why someone would want to do that....but I know there are a number of reasons, pain, revenge, arriving at a destination in life and realizing it wasn't what you thought it would be, lonliness...even in the middle of a crowd.

We may never know why.....but we can't spend the rest of our life thinking about 'if only'. It just is....and it's terribly sad.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 12:33 AM
Very sad news about Charles. Prayers to his family and friends.

This is my step brothers story-http://www.jthogan.com/

You'll have to copy and paste. Sorry I don't know how to post a link.

My step mom has devoted her life to try and help families with a suicidal family member.

Tim was one of the nicest,"happiest", people I have ever known.

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 07:08 AM
I've known and known of several people who took this way out.
I've even tried it a time or too myself (seems people down south have a quicker way out requiring a hell of a lot less thought and preparation - most of y'all have guns).
Stop and remember who you're leaving behind. Only God (if there is one and nobody's sure) knows if there's an afterlife, but there is life, it ain't easy, and offing yourself leaves your loved ones behind hurting more than you'll ever know.
Nobody said life was going to be easy - and it isn't - and as we get older, it gets harder. I think it was Bette Davis who said something like "Growing old was not for the feint of heart".
Late middle age is a bitch.
Youth is tough.
Life is not a bowl of cherries. Sounds cliche', but it's all so true.
EAP for Charles' loved ones. He doesn't need peaches anymore.....they do.

[Edited on 8/26/2007 by Pastdreams]

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 09:31 AM
HBO had a documentary some time ago that looked at suicide through the eyes of those left behind...i would encourage anyone debating suicide to watch that...

it was gut wrenching to see the pain, the frustration, the helplessness and the anger of those loved ones...

most of us struggle from time to time..life can be very hard...but it can also be very joyous..if we let it be..

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 10:18 AM
We just lost someone here in Albuquerque this week to suicide, I knew the guy but my friend here knew him since childhood.The hurt in his friends eyes is gut wrenching.

I try not to judge as i never walked a mile in the guys shoes so I'll pray that he is in a better place but I'll pray more for those left behind with the questions and the hurt they have to live with.

I have known several students who have committed suicide,seen the parents and families/friends devestation, its a terrible loss.And just when they have all of their adult life ahead of them.

And Lefty life is hard but so very precious and truly a gift, ya got that right brother. And people who play the blues makes my life so enriched so thanks for playing that joyful noise as you have one of god's great gifts.

"If ya want to change all ya have to do is change your mind"

[Edited on 8/26/2007 by CowboyNeil]

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 11:15 AM
Suicide - permanent solution to a temporaty problem. So true. So true. Every new one whether it is someone I know or don't brings back the anger over friends from the past who decided to check out this way. My prayers are with those left behind. The sun is going to come up tomorrow. You will laugh ... and love again. And the world goes on.

"Life is hard," "... no bowl of cheeries," etc., etc. Yeah so what? It is the hard times that make the good times good. And I for one I thank God for them. Everybody here has had their share of troubles I'm sure. That's what makes us tough. When you are able to complete a day dragging a ball and chain, it's just training. We won't fold like a newspaper when something doesn't go our way.

Perhaps I'm too harsh ... and perhaps this ain't the forum ... it's just times like these are where we need to walk with the faith that most of us have been given. Spend just a little time with God and I promise the benefits will be ten fold. I have found this to be true from my own experiences. I have made it through countless bad days just from saying the Lord's Prayer. Sorry David, Pastdreams and Charles' family for your loss ... but it will pass. May the healing start now. God bless the living.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 11:32 AM
quote:
And Lefty life is hard but so very precious and truly a gift, ya got that right brother. And people who play the blues makes my life so enriched so thanks for playing that joyful noise as you have one of god's great gifts.


Neil, it has saved my life, that's for sure..

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 11:35 AM
I lost a friend to suicide back in December. The poor man had built a mountain of problems for himself that he just couldn't get out from under and decided to take the easy way out. As shocking as it was to hear about it it was not surprising, all of the warning signs were there. I'll never forget the day he was describing a news story he read that day of a person who botched his own suicide attempt by putting a gun to their head, he continued to outline that if that person really wanted to kill themselves how they should do it. I realized right then and there how deep his troubles were and sure enough one day he put the barrel of one of his guns into his mouth and pulled the trigger. We all did all we could to be there for him, forgave debts, offered assistance to help solve his problems, to take him for professional help among many things. My guess is that he decided it all just became to unmanageable and this was how he chose to solve them. He was one of the smartest men I've ever met and I miss his friendship, and I'm still angry as he!! he did this to himself.
 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 12:29 PM
I am a New York State licensed Social Worker and currently work as an Assistant Principal in a New York ciity high school. I read the the letter about Timothy Hogan with great sadness. I can't begin to discuss why people go this route but I will state that if you know of anyone who is so distressed that they are suicidal to please call 911 and when speaking to the operator to make sure that you be as specific as possible about your concerns. People who are depressed and have thought of suicide will usually talk about it in generali terms. Those who discuss definite plans are the most dangerous cases to watch out for.

In New York City, the police will take people to a Psychiatic ER against their will if necessary to be evaluated. If the attending Psychiatrist believes that the person is an immediate risk, he/she will have him hospitalized.

But it is difficult to get quality services that can make a difference. Given this, immediate intervention is the key.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 12:31 PM
Although my brother's death wasn't termed a suicide, in my eyes it was. He was 17 and had spent most of his life as a "troubled" youth. He didn't do anything that I, his older brother hadn't done already, but I did it at an older age, and maybe with a better ability to keep my wild side in better perspective to the rest of my life. But at 17 he was finally sober, back in school, working and together with his girlfriend. A friend of his had stolen a motorcycle and John took it for a quick ride. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong decision again. A cop flashed the lights to pull him over and instead he tried to run and crashed. Witnesses said he hit a house going 90 and never tried to brake or turn. I think he just gave up. I think he just felt like he was never going to get things straight and couldn't face one more failure after working so hard to get back. My parents and I never really recovered.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 12:36 PM
I'll never forget, about 25 years ago, my father's dear friend called him one night on the phone to say goodbye. I can still hear my father talking to him on the phone, telling him to think about his wife and family and friends that love him that he would be leaving behind. The night he killed himself.

I don't understand suicide, but I guess its not easy to understand the feeling of pain and hopelessness. I feel taking your life while still living with free will is the greatest sin.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 12:51 PM
Agerst1574. What you read was not a letter about Tim. It is his suicide note written by him and posted on the net shortly after his death. He was very successful as a businessman and loved to fish. His depression was his secret and his suicide blind sided his loved ones and co-workers.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 01:02 PM
I spent 20 years working in the counseling field, and that coupled with so many years wrapped up in alcoholism and then recovery has put me next to lots of folks who have decided to check out. Life is such a precious gift, and it is always so sad when somebody chooses this option. I had one moment where I had a psitol in one hand and a bottle of scotch in the other, was just trying decide whether to take the express lane out or the slow road. Thank God I choose the latter. My experience is that the loss of hope they struggle with is such a lie, such a polar opposite of faith and grace, that if we could help them to see even one little ray of the sunlight of that spirit they could move forward and through the valley they are in at the time. I've dedicated the rest of my time here to fighting against that lie that all is lost and hopeless.

"The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 01:16 PM
Dug man, I for one am truly glad you decided to hang out.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 01:39 PM
Had many young friends who tried this as a solution to their problems
For anyone considering it ... Please try to think of the most beatiful thing you can think of first. Someone who touched your life or even just the site of the moon coming up at night or whatever it is that rocked your boat for a moment in life ... and understand that you will never see it again.
Never again is just too long
Peace,
d_robyn

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 01:39 PM
lost a senior HS girl about a month before graduation in my kids' school - she had everything going for her, good college, decent family etc....left a couple of notes for friends...that was it. No one knew. Every beginning of school, there's a ribbon system that some staff wear for kids contemplating suicide...for them to have a confidential listener...

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 02:00 PM
Let's see here Doug. Your saying you spent your evenings drinking scotch and contemplating suicide. And the next morning you would counsel people on how to live their lives? Now you have found God and you think depression is a lie? Maybe I misunderstood what you are saying.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 03:23 PM
Yes, you do. Over the course of 26 years of drinking, I crossed the line into alcoholism. I still worked at my chosen profession, which was counseling. As I progressed in my alcoholism, I hit a point where I could see no way out, could not stop drinking or stop the negative consequences that began to pile up due to that drinking. One night, when I had the pistol and the bottle of scotch, I contemplated suicide. Didn't act on it, and shortly thereafter entered into recovery, learning how to have a daily spiritual walk with God. I don't think depression is a lie, but I do believe the idea that there is no hope or way to a better life is a lie. Hope that makes a little more sense.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 03:56 PM
Thanks Doug, I am glad your healthy and can share your experience.

 

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  posted on 8/26/2007 at 04:52 PM
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Thanks Doug, I am glad your healthy and can share your experience.

Me too. And I'm so sorry for the loss of your step brother.

 

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  posted on 8/27/2007 at 09:26 AM
This is close to home for me, yesterday was the 5th. annual Kevin Blackmore Memorial race at our local dragstrip. After Kevin died,we decided the best way to honour his memory was to hold a race in Kevin's favourite format. His old travelling partner won the race for the second time in 5 yrs.

Kev was like several others mentioned in this thread, a quite happy appearing person with deep seated depression that NONE of us knew about until the day of his funeral when his older sister let us in on the secret.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 8/27/2007 at 09:42 AM
In 1992, while home in Indianapolis visiting family and friends, I had one of my dearest friends go into a tailspin over a failed relationship. I could hear "intent" in his voice as we spoke on the phone. I hauled butt over to his place, where he greeted me at the door with a 9mm in his hand. He said, "I'm going to let you in, you can say your piece, then I am going to ask you to leave." To make a long story short, I stayed with him, talked to him, listened to him, and was able to coax the gun away from him. It turned out he was bi-polar and it was inherent. I'm happy to report he is alive and well and is dealing with his condition.

I had a club brother that shot himself while arguing with his wife, but I will always blame that on steroid rage. Whether he was suffering from depression or not is not clear. No one saw it coming. We were, and still are, scratching our heads on that one.

 

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  posted on 8/27/2007 at 10:15 AM
I think this is a good thread. Didn't know what to expect. But it seems some might actually be getting some closure just by sharing their experiences with this. I have lost two friends- one very close. It is never pleaseant for me to so much as think about.

Now I have some very close people in my life who have been killing themselves for years. At times I wish them the mercy I believe only death can bring. But their time here is still to serve some purpose. God help them.

 

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  posted on 8/27/2007 at 11:23 AM
It seems I have been around alot of it also. My ex father in law, who I remained friends with after the divorce took his life. A childhood friend was stationed in Korea for a few years, he came
home and after a few weeks, the stuff he witnessed in the military over there drove him crazy enough he took his life. I have had ancestors that have taken their lives. My sister in laws brother took his life too. Another neighborhood friend hung his self. Also another school/neighborhood friend was a police officer here in Gastonia, He also took life.

It just makes you wonder why they do it. I have been down and out before, and the thoughts were there, but being a single parent, My kids need me to much. I couldnt had done that to myself much less to them. It seems the kids are what pulls us all through life.


Now when I get older, if I get terminally sick, I could consider it, No way I am going to leave my children mountains of medical bills. I would do what I always wanted to do, do it all, if I can, espcecially if a lot of pain was involved. I have a living will, I dont want to be hooked up to no machine either. That would be the only condition that would even let me consider it.

[Edited on 8/27/2007 by rottinpeach]

 

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