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Author: Subject: The LinnieXX(and Lefty!) Southern Assimilation Thread

True Peach





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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 09:17 AM
Since today is all about Miss Linnie, and given her impending move to Jacksonville, I offer these tips in fitting in in your new environs:
1) Never say hello or hi as a salutation, it's haaay!
2)Don't ever say, up North, we did it this way.
3) You can say anything bad about someone, as long as it's followed by bless his/her heart.
4) There is but one kind of iced tea, and it ain't unsweetened.
5) If you can discuss NASCAR, hunting, fishing or college football, men will fall at your feet, but you probably don't need thisun'
6) When inquiring about someone's family, how's yer mammer 'n 'em?
7) There is no such thing as BBQ beef, except in Texas.
8) When a funeral procession passes, pull over and stop until it passes.
9) Hide your liberal tendencies, except in the voting booth (don't hang your chads in Fla).
10) It was not the Civil War, it was the War of Northern Aggression.

Good luck and welcome.

[Edited on 6/16/2008 by Brock]

 

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Sublime Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 09:19 AM
and thats what i like about the south... yehaaa

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 09:25 AM
and when somebody come to your house don't ask em if they wanna a drink, ask em if they want somethin to eat
also too, we ain't got breakfast, lunch & dinner...........we eat breakfast, dinner & supper

[Edited on 6/6/2007 by reneed]

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 09:35 AM
quote:
and when somebody come to your house don't ask em if they wanna a drink, ask em if they want somethin to eat
also too, we ain't got breakfast, lunch & dinner...........we eat breakfast, dinner & supper

[Edited on 6/6/2007 by reneed]
it's that way where I was born in Minnesota too

 

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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 09:37 AM
Also you can have fish and grits for breakfast and shrimp and grits for supper.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 09:39 AM
If you hear someone say "hey ya'll watch 'is" run like hell cause somethings about to blow up.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 09:59 AM
quote:
If you hear someone say "hey ya'll watch 'is" run like hell cause somethings about to blow up.

ROFLMAO!!!!! and that is so true!!!!!!!!!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:01 AM
Pop, soda, or co-cola???

 

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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:15 AM
quote:
Pop, soda, or co-cola???


Also know as "a cold drank".

Don't be surprised when someone has a lot of Mommas. It could be Big Momma, Little Momma, Sister Momma or Aunt Momma to name a few.

To get a head start, before you leave read, "Southern Ladies and Gentlemen". I think it was written by Florence King. Very funny, very true.

Southerners will love you. I guaran-dam-tee it. Good Luck.


 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:21 AM
quote:
1) Never say hello or hi as a salutation, it's haaay!
2)Don't ever say, up North, we did it this way.
3) You can say anything bad about someone, as long as it's followed by bless his/her heart.
4) There is but one kind of iced tea, and it ain't unsweetened.
5) If you can discuss NASCAR, hunting, fishing or college football, men will fall at your feet, but you probably don't need thisun'
6) When inquiring about someone's family, how's yer mammer 'n 'em?
7) There is no such thing as BBQ beef, except in Texas.
8) When a funeral procession passes, pull over and stop until it passes.
9) Hide your liberal tendencies, except in the voting booth (don't hang your chads in Fla).
10) It was not the Civil War, it was the War of Northern Aggression.


11.) They/we say "I carried him to the grocery" instead of "I took/drove him to the grocery".
12.) If you want a light turned on/off you say "Cut the lights on" or "cut the lights off".
13.) ALL soft drinks are COKES, at least here in Alabama. If you want a soft drink this conversation could be heard:
"Hey, you wanna coke?"
"Yeah, I wanna coke".
"What kind?"
"I'll take a Pepsi." (Actually heard this at work)


 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:29 AM
oh my goodness! gee thanks brock! this makes me smile because my nerves are wracked!

ok, from what i understand that the further south i move, the more north i get.....where does Jacksonville fall into that?

oh, and i've already got the "I'm fixing to __________" thing down pat.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:33 AM
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THE SOUTH
(Andy Razaf)

Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys - 1942
Phil Harris - 1947

Also recorded by: Nolan Bruce Allen; Buddy Blue;
Cliff Bruner; Moon Mullican; Red Stick Ramblers;
Rollin' In The Hay.


Won't you come with me to Alabamy
Let's go see my dear old Mammy
She's fryin' eggs and boiling hammy
That's what I like about the South

Now there you can make no mistakey
Where those nerves are never shaky
Ought to taste her layer cakey
That's what I like about the South

She's got baked ribs and candied yams
Those sugar-cured Virginia hams
Basement full of those berry jams
An' that's what I like about the South

Hot corn bread, black-eyed peas
You can eat as much as you please
'Cause it's never out of season
That's what I like about the South

Aahhh, don't take one, have two
There's dark brown and chocolate too
Suits me, they must suit you
'Cause that's what I like about the South

Well it's way, way down where the cane grows tall
Down where they say "Y'all"
Walk on in with that Southern drawl
'Cause that's what I like about the South

Down where they have those pretty queens
Keep a-dreamin' those dreamy dreams
Well let's sip that absinthe in New Orleans
That's what I like about the South

Here come old Bob with all the news
Got the boxback coat with button shoes
But he's all caught up with his union dues
An' that's what I like about the South

Here come old Roy down the street
Ho, can't you hear those tappin' feet
He would rather sleep than eat
An' that's what I like about the South

Now every time I pass your door
You act like you don't want me no more
Why don't you shake that head and sigh
And I'll go walkin' by

On, on, on and on and on
Honey, when you tell me that you love me
Then how come you close your eyes

Did I tell you 'bout the place called Doo-wah-diddy
It ain't no town and it ain't no city
It's just awful small, but awful pretty
That's Doo-wah-diddy

Well I didn't come here to criticise
I'm not here to sympathise
But don't tell me those no-good lies
That a lyin' gal like you can devise

You love me like I love you
Send me fifty P-D-Q
Roses are red and violets are pink
If I don't get all fifty, I don't show

She's got backbones and turnip greens
Ham hocks and butter beans
You, me and New Orleans
An' that's what I like about the South

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:36 AM
Jax is really "south georgia" just like Tally town

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:38 AM
quote:
Jax is really "south georgia" just like Tally town


You're not really in Florida til you hit Gainesville

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:39 AM


excellent! does this mean i can join GABBA?

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:43 AM
Yes anyone can join GABBA!

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:46 AM
Oh, a couple more, a writing implement is an "ink pen", so as to distingush it from a pin. And never say press, say mash, as in "mash the gas, junior, the revenuers are gaining on us."

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:49 AM
i've already had a good lesson on hominey grits versus all other grits.

and the tea thing, well.....i'll just get used to that one.

my big question is: will i get stuff thrown at me at the Jacksonville Stadium if i wear my Eagles stuff?

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 10:57 AM
Linnie I heard this song and immediately thought of you. Enjoy

Lynyrd Skynyrd › Comin’ Home



(allen collins -- ronnie vanzant)

Its been so long since Ive been gone
Another day might be too long for me
Traveling around Ive had my fill
Of broken dreams and dirty deals
A concrete jungle surrounding me
Many nights Ive slept out in the streets
I paid my dues and I changed my style
Seen hard times. all over now

I want to come home. its been so long since Ive been away
And please, dont blame me cause Ive tried
Ill be coming home soon to your love to stay

I miss old friends that I once had
Times aint changed and Ill be glad when I go home
I dont know why the thought came to me
But why Im here I really cant see. and now...

I want to come home. its been so long since Ive been away
And please, dont blame me cause Ive tried
Ill be coming home soon to your love to stay
Coming home to stay
Coming home to your love, mama
Ive seen better days

I miss old friends that I once had
Times aint changed and Ill be glad when I go home
I dont know why the thought came to me
But why Im here I really cant see. and now...

I want to come home. its been so long since Ive been away
And please, dont blame me cause Ive tried
Ill be coming home soon to your love to stay
Coming home to stay
Coming home to your love, mama
Ive seen better days

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 11:03 AM
Remember beef and pork are meats. Tofurkey is not. If you need to eat on the cheap, here is some help to get you main dish:

How to Catch a Possum

I know of several ways to catch a possum. Perhaps the easiest is to simply drive around for a while in your truck. The problem will soon resolve itself.
(SCCRRRREEEEEEECCHHH!!. . . SPLAT. . .)

Much more fun, however, is to take your dogs and shotgun, and go into the woods and hunt one down. The advantage to this method is that you don't have to scrape the possum off the pavement. The disadvantage is that you do have to worry about shotgun pellets in the meat.
(OUCH! Dadgum it! There went my best tooth!)
Not to mention that a shotgun blast can really mess up the hide, which makes it a lot harder for the taxidermist.

It is also possible to set traps to catch a possum, but this method is notoriously unreliable. Possums like to stay in the trees, and you're much more likely to catch something else.
(Hey, Ed! There's something in the trap! See them bushes moving? Let's see what it is! . . . OH, SH*T! IT'S A SKUNK!!)

Possums are also notoriously hard to kill, and they will play dead if threatened. I remember hearing about someone who had a possum get in his garage one time. He was real mad about something, and having a possum rooting around in his garage making a mess just made it worse, so he took after that thing with a shovel. The possum never had a chance. He did have to chop its head off to make sure it was dead; otherwise they just get up and walk off. It was real strange; right after he beheaded the possum, lightning or something struck the garage, blowing out all the lightbulbs and giving him quite a shock. (If you don't get the joke here, don't worry.)

BTW Do you have a truck and a shotgun??

 

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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 11:06 AM
Just go out early in the morning and pick up some dead possum road kill. Easy and you can get an armadillo to go with it and a squirrel too.

 

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Universal Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 11:15 AM
quote:
i've already had a good lesson on hominey grits versus all other grits.

and the tea thing, well.....i'll just get used to that one.

my big question is: will i get stuff thrown at me at the Jacksonville Stadium if i wear my Eagles stuff?

Don't know much about the NFL, but if Fla. is anything like Ala., you're going to have to make 2 choices within 6 months:
1) Earnhart or Gordon
2) Fla., Fla. St., or Miami

Here of course #2 is Ala. or Auburn. Thus you can be Earnhart/Ala., Earnhart/Aub, Gordon/Ala., Gordon/Aub.

Your vehicle should reflect your choices on these critical decisions.

[Edited on 6/6/2007 by Buppalo1]

 
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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 11:23 AM

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 11:33 AM
quote:
Since today is all about Miss Linnie, and given her impending move to Jacksonville, I offer these tips in fitting in in your new environs:
1) Never say hello or hi as a salutation, it's haaay!
2)Don't ever say, up North, we did it this way.
3) You can say anything bad about someone, as long as it's followed by bless his/her heart.
4) There is but one kind of iced tea, and it ain't unsweetened.
5) If you can discuss NASCAR, hunting, fishing or college football, men will fall at your feet, but you probably don't need thisun'
6) When inquiring about someone's family, how's yer mammer 'n 'em?
7) There is no such thing as BBQ beef, except in Texas.
8) When a funeral procession passes, pull over and stop until it passes.
9) Hide your liberal tendencies, except in the voting booth (don't hang your chads in Fla).
10) It was not the Civil War, it was the War of Northern Aggression.

Good luck and welcome.


What about when your surprised saying "Well shut my mouth!"?

 

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Peach Master



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  posted on 6/6/2007 at 11:34 AM
Don't think you're too special for Waffle House. NEVER eat at Huddle House.

Krystal burgers rule.

 
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