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Author: Subject: Jokes

True Peach





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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 01:15 PM
A man waks into a bar and orders a drink. After five drinks, he turns to the muscular blonde woman next to him. Interrupting her conversation with her two blonde friends, he asks, "Do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The woman replies, "I weigh 240 pounds, I'm a world-champion kickboxer, and I'm a natural blonde. Here's my friend-190 pounds, a world-champion judoist, and a natural blonde. And my other friend-200 pounds, a world-champion arm wrestler, and a natural blonde. Now tell me, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 02:39 PM
nice..........

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 03:10 PM
LOL - Thanks, Jason! Adding to my blonde jokes file!

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 04:17 PM
How do you know a blonde's been using the computer?

There's Whiteout on the screen!

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 04:31 PM
Did you hear about the blonde who got fired from the M & M factory?

She kept throwing away all of the "w"s

 

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I'm gonna be thankful for this feeling the music brings . . .

 

True Peach



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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 04:35 PM
What goes vroom-screech vroom-screech vroom-screech?

A blonde sportscar driver trying to get through a flashing red light.

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 09:19 PM
A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's why we have Molly The Camel."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about "urges", so the camel can stay .

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own "urges". Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down
and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"Well, No not really, sir... "They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 09:20 PM
A guy walks into a bar...... the other guy ducks.......................

 

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  posted on 4/11/2007 at 10:25 PM
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, Then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 4/12/2007 at 12:38 PM
Three blondes walk into a bar and ask the bartender to line up drinks for them. They do a toast and say, "Here's to 51 days!" and down their drinks. They then ask the bartender to "Line 'em up!" Again they toast to 51 days and down their drinks. The bartender finally says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting to 51 days?" One of the blondes explains to the bartender, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. On the box it says 2-4 years, but we finished it in 51 days!"

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 4/12/2007 at 12:45 PM
quote:
A man waks into a bar and orders a drink. After five drinks, he turns to the muscular blonde woman next to him. Interrupting her conversation with her two blonde friends, he asks, "Do you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The woman replies, "I weigh 240 pounds, I'm a world-champion kickboxer, and I'm a natural blonde. Here's my friend-190 pounds, a world-champion judoist, and a natural blonde. And my other friend-200 pounds, a world-champion arm wrestler, and a natural blonde. Now tell me, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?"

The man thinks for a while and replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times."


Ba Haaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaaa Ba Haaaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!! LMAO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ba Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Pete

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 4/12/2007 at 08:05 PM
Do you know the difference between a dead chicken in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the chicken!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/12/2007 at 08:12 PM
Not really a joke, but humorous -Follow these steps in order given:
1. go to www.google.com
2. click on maps
3. click on get directions
4. type "new york" in from box and "paris, france" in to box and select get directions
5. scroll down in the directions to number 23
6.

 

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"Come on down to the Mermaid Cafe and I will buy you a bottle of wine, and we'll laugh and toast to nothing and smash our empty glasses down..."

 

True Peach



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  posted on 4/12/2007 at 08:17 PM
quote:
Not really a joke, but humorous -Follow these steps in order given:
1. go to www.google.com
2. click on maps
3. click on get directions
4. type "new york" in from box and "paris, france" in to box and select get directions
5. scroll down in the directions to number 23
6.


I tried this one, and it was pretty funny.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/12/2007 at 10:18 PM
An obviously confused and bewildered Japanese Tourist is standing on a Busy Street Corner in New York City trying to work up the confidence to ask another New Yorker for directions.
" scuseme".. the japanese tourist said as he tapped a New Yorker on the shoulder.
The New Yorker, somewhat aggitated, turns around and says "Yeah"?
The Japanese Tourist then asks...." Y o u...can tell me, how to get to empire state building?... or do I go... F*ck myself again"?

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 4/13/2007 at 10:56 AM
What does a hungry termite say when he strolls into a tavern?

Is the bar tender here?

 

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Peach Pro



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  posted on 4/13/2007 at 12:13 PM
A British Lieutenant (sp?) reports to his new C.O. The C.O. says "ah, Caulfied, welcome to the post. Let's go over our schedule, shall we? On Mondays, we march and we drill." "I don't march and I don't drill, suh!" "I see. On Tuesdays, we practice with the cavalry ponies" 'I don't ride 'orses, suh!" "All right. On Wednesdays, we drink and we wench." "I don't drink, and I don't wench, suh!" "Good God, man--are you homosexual?" "No suh!" "Well, then you won't much like Thursdays, either".

Sorry, Harvey, if you read this. No offense (lol).

 
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True Peach



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  posted on 4/13/2007 at 08:26 PM
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 4/17/2007 at 07:09 PM
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't server food here!"


(Just thought I'd bump this thread back! )

[Edited on 4/18/2007 by jasonvancura]

 

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Peach Head



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  posted on 4/17/2007 at 07:48 PM
A termite walks into a bar and says "Hey! Where's the bar tender?"
 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/17/2007 at 08:35 PM
A horse walks into a bar the bartender says hey why the long face?

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 4/17/2007 at 08:36 PM
100 men die at the same time and arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter tries to think of a way to organize them so he says, "All of you men who were henpecked by your wives in your life, stand to my right - those who weren't, to my left."

99 men go to the henpecked line and one small nerdy looking man goes to the left. St. Peter approaches the man and says, "All 99 of these men went to my right and only you went this way. May I ask why?" The man replied, "because my wife told me to."

 

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"Without going out of my door, I can know all things on Earth. Without looking out of my window, I can know all things in Heaven. The farther one travels, the less one really knows."

 

True Peach



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  posted on 4/17/2007 at 09:29 PM
What is wrong when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in the sand?

You don't have enough sand!

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 4/18/2007 at 01:36 AM
A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "The highballs are on me!"

 

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we are not here to create or cling to beliefs. we are here to pay attention.

 

True Peach



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  posted on 4/18/2007 at 07:40 AM
A Japanese tourist walks into a New York bank to have some yen changed into U.S. dollars. The teller takes his yen and pushes the dollars accross the counter. The Japanese tourist counts the dollars and then asks, "why the change?"
The teller appears confused and asks the tourist what he mean. "Yesterday, I give you same amount of yen, and you gave me more dollars. Why the change?"
"Fluctuations", replied the teller.
"Oh, yeah? Well fluck you round-eyes, too!" replied the tourist.

 

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Music is love, and love is music, if you know what I mean.
People who believe in music are the happiest people I've ever seen.

Bill Ector, Randy Stephens, Dan Hills and a guy named BobO who I never met - Forever in my heart!

 
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