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Author: Subject: PUNISHMENT

Maximum Peach





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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 01:07 PM
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 01:24 PM
Sorry I'll take the gas for that procedure.

I had gum surgery and the Dentist gave
me gas and put on Gordon Lightfoot's greatest hits.

I was so mellow It was sad when it was over.

Peace
john

 

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Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 01:43 PM
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!".

 

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Capitalism will always survive, because socialism will be there to save it.



Ralph Nader's Father




 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 01:43 PM
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess- nuts boasting in an open foyer."

 

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Capitalism will always survive, because socialism will be there to save it.



Ralph Nader's Father




 

A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 01:46 PM
quote:


I had gum surgery and the Dentist gave
me gas and put on Gordon Lightfoot's greatest hits.

I was so mellow It was sad when it was over.



Who needs jokes ... That JW dentist story made
coffee come out of my nose !

 

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"Trying to keep my spirits high, and my demons down."

 

A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 02:51 PM
quote:
quote:


I had gum surgery and the Dentist gave
me gas and put on Gordon Lightfoot's greatest hits.

I was so mellow It was sad when it was over.



Who needs jokes ... That JW dentist story made
coffee come out of my nose !


The NEW AND IMPROVED Mr. Coffee!

 

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"With the help of God and true friends I've come to realize,
I still have two strong legs and even wings to fly"

 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 03:36 PM
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

 

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Capitalism will always survive, because socialism will be there to save it.



Ralph Nader's Father




 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 03:41 PM
These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

 

____________________
Capitalism will always survive, because socialism will be there to save it.



Ralph Nader's Father




 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 03:41 PM
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

____________________
Capitalism will always survive, because socialism will be there to save it.



Ralph Nader's Father




 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 03:42 PM
And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!

 

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Capitalism will always survive, because socialism will be there to save it.



Ralph Nader's Father




 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/6/2004 at 04:23 PM
three italian nuns die suddenly at the same time. St. Peter says "you have all led outstanding lives. I am going to grant you 6 months to go back to earth and live as anyone you wish to". The first nun say "i wanna be a Sophia Loren"..POOF.. she is..the second nun says "i wanna be a Madonna"..POOF..she is.. the third nun says "I wanna be Virginia Pipilinni "...Confused , St Peter looks but cannot find her name. He says "SIster I am sorry but i don't know who you are talking about" . the nun hands him an article from a newspaper. St. Peter bursts out laughing.."Sister, it was the Virginia Pipeline that was laid by 200 men in 6 months".
 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 5/7/2004 at 01:46 AM
LMAO...

 

____________________
Capitalism will always survive, because socialism will be there to save it.



Ralph Nader's Father




 

A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 5/7/2004 at 02:21 AM
The pious old Catholic priest from Boondock, upstate NY, leaves the Diocese meeting in NYC and wanders along 42nd St. toward Grand Central. A hooker comes up to him and says, "Quickie for 5 bucks..."
The priest has no idea what she means, being ultra-pious and unworldly, so he blesses her and moves on. A few minutes later another hooker sidles up to him and whispers "Quickie for 5 bucks.....". Still confused, the priest blesses her and moves on.
On the train up to Boondock, the priest racks his brain trying to figure out what the fallen women could have meant. Upon arriving in Boondock, he takes a cab to the convent and seeks guidance from the Mother Superior.
"Mother Superior," he says, "fallen women came to me and said "Quickie for 5 bucks". Tell me, gracious Mother, what's a Quickie?"





"5 bucks....same as in the city!"

 

Extreme Peach



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  posted on 5/7/2004 at 10:14 AM
OK, then there was the San Diego zookeeper who heard that if you fed your porpoises seagulls, they'd live forever. So one day, he's coming back with dinner, and sees an escaped lion sleeping in the entranceway. Not wanting to disturb the lion, he gingerly steps over the motionless beast, whereupon a federal agent leaps from the bushes and arrests him for transporting gulls across a staid lion for immortal porpoises.
 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/7/2004 at 11:43 AM
There was this town where the Trids lived. Outside the town lived
a mean ole giant. Whenever the trids tried to leave town the giant
would kick them back into town. The Trids went and got the Rabbi
and asked him for help with the giant. So the Rabbi and the Trids
went to talk to the giant. Seeing the Trids the Giant gave them all the
boot. The Rabbi chastened him, but the giant ignored him. Finally the
Rabbi asked: You Kicked all the Trids away, why not me?

Said the Giant:

"Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids"


Peace
John

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/7/2004 at 11:52 AM
Mel Famey was a older relief Pitcher on a baseball team in a tight pennant race.
He did not expect to play because of his age and the importance of the game
and took a case of beer to the bullpen with him. Which he drank.

The game went into extra innings late in the night. All the arm are spent
and Mel Famey got the call to enter the game in the 27th inning with the score
still tied and the bases empty. MeL walks 4 straight batters to lose the game.

The winning team passed the bullpen on the way to the locker room.
One player askes "What are all those cans?"

A wiser man replied:

"That's the Beer that made Mel Famey walk us"

peace
John

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 5/7/2004 at 11:55 AM
Once I gave a christmas present that was a old dried up pine
with no needles left. I hung a 12 gauge shootgun shell on it.

What the heck is that?

"A Cartridge in a Bare Tree"

Peace
John

 

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