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Author: Subject: New Captain Skipper Book On Golfing Now Available

Zen Peach





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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 02:17 PM
www.republicoftea.orgcomnet

These are excepts from Capt Skipper's new book on golf. He "proclaims" to be pretty good at the game but there are some skeptics among us.

The title is "How To Line Up Your Fourth Putt" by Captain Skipper.

After a quick first read here are some of the more interesting chapters:

1) How To Hit A Top Flite From The Rough When You Hit A Titleist From The Tee

2) Basics of the Foot Wedge

11) How To Avoid The Water When You Lie 8 In The Bunker.

14) How To Get More Distance Out of a Shank

15) Using Your Shadow On The Green To Maximize Earnings

18) Crying and How to Handle It

19) How To Rationalize A Seven Hour Round

26) How To "Find" The Ball Everyone Else Saw Go In The Water Hazard

29) How To Let A Foursome Play Through Your Twosome Without Getting Embarrassed

31) Breathing & Relaxation Techniques When You're Hitting Five Off Of The Tee; and

32) When To Suggest Swing Corrections To Your Opponent

Skip is also including an insert booklet, "When To Re-Grip Your Ball Retriever" to the first 150 orders.

(Let's see if this gets a response from our favorite 'zonian.)

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 02:30 PM
cooter, cooter cooter.

did you get a golf humor book? thats some pretty funny stuff there.

i wonder if the Skip included a chapter on how air temeperature effects the distance of on your drive.

ROTF, LMAO.

 

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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 02:43 PM
That's F*#kin Hilarious!

 

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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 03:44 PM
I wasnt going to even mention the book as I thought it would be highly unethical to push my book on Rowlands site. However, being as Old Cooter decided to let the cat out of the bag I see no harm in me further commenting on it. The chapters already mentioned are the heart and soul of the material covered although there are other chapters that I feel are just as pertinent. There is an extensive chapter on the use of "mulligans" and setting up the mulligan rules before you start your round as to one mulligan per round, one mulligan per 9 holes or my preference one mulligan per hole at any point during the hole, not just off the tee box. The "Golf Carts can be the best club in your bag" chapter deals with techniques in utilizing the golf cart to turn your playing partners "perfect lie" into an unplayable lie" There are advance techniques covered also where particular golf cart manuevers can render your oppnents ball "unfindable" by repeateadly backing over the ball driving it deeper into the ground. Very effective in inclement weather I might add. The chapter entitled "Small Animal Burrow Rules" deals with small animal burrows on the course and what rules apply when your ball is lodged in one. Per the rule book you are entitled to a club length and a FREE DROP. The rule is pretty clear in the rule book but what my chapter deals with is how to develope the ability to detect UNSEEN invisble small animal burrows and take advantage of the rule book, especiallly when you are lodged under a bush. I cant remember the last time that when I was stuck in a bush that I ddint detect a small animal burrow under that bush. Its almost uncanny!!! Golfers....take advantage of the rule book, its there for YOU!!!!lAnother chapter that I thought was very important and enlightening was the "Sandbagging your Handicap for Fun & Profit" . I must admit I had extensive help from Mr Pete Rose on this chapter but it needed to be include in the book.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 03:52 PM


ah thats the hardest i laughed about golf since "happy gilmore"

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 04:07 PM
Skip, I didn't want to give the whole thing away. Now who will buy it????

 

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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 04:16 PM
Who will buy it you ask????? Hmmm, truth of the matter is thats its NOT FOR SALE anywhere. You can only trade or B&P for it. So either get writing your book so we have something to trade OR send me 2000 blank pages, blank cover, binding and postage for the B & P

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 04:19 PM
Hmmmmmm....me write a book. Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all.

Anyone have any suggestions for the title????

 

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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 04:27 PM
quote:
Hmmmmmm....me write a book. Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all.

Anyone have any suggestions for the title????


Cooter, you've just left yourself wide open on that one, bro!

 

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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 04:39 PM
Coot, I think a sequel to your first book "The Nebraska Game Book" or the title as it was released orininally in Omaha, Lincoln, North Platte and Scottsbluff " 101 Intimate Games with Corn Cobs" is in order.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 04:58 PM
Skip, thanks for the thoughts. Instead my second book will be entitled:

"How To Beat The Penn St. Nittany Lions Football Team Without Really Trying".

 

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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 05:25 PM
OUCH!!! You dont have to get so darn personal ya know!!! Now Im gonna have to take 3 aspirin, 2 shooters of mezcal and go to bed without supper cause Ive lost my appetite and I refuse to dwell on the material in your new book all evening.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 05:55 PM
Will there be a Capt.Skipper re-write?

That's the version I want.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 05:58 PM
Gotta be better reading than "Martha Stewart's Guide to the Stock Exchange".

And "How to Make Friends Online" by Dean Long.

 

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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 06:42 PM
Ron, I heard a thing on the radio today lampooning Martha and it was her "new show" live from prison. The topic of the day was making jailhouse moonshine, how it was good for trading for cigarettes and keepin the bullsisters away etc. She was interviewing a black sister that makes the jail house booze. The spoofer sounded just like Martha and her mannerisms. It was damn hilarious!!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 09:16 PM
Skip, I think my brother could assist you with a chapter entitled "How to flip your sister out of a golf cart and not have her spill any of her beer"

(It was MANY years ago)

 

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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 09:57 PM
regripping the retriever !! I'm stealin' that one !!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/8/2004 at 11:37 PM
"Adventures in Patience" by Peter Gammons

"Bought Another Pennant" by G. Steinbrenner

Oh, you mean a title for YOUR book.

Nevermind.

 

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  posted on 3/9/2004 at 03:33 AM
"Cooters Guide to Hooters Part VI"

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/9/2004 at 08:16 AM
I thought they banned him from Hooters long ago.

He kept drooling uncontrollably.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/9/2004 at 09:50 AM
quote:
quote:
Hmmmmmm....me write a book. Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all.

Anyone have any suggestions for the title????


A Cub Fan's Guide To Futility


I would except there would have to be a re-print final chapter:

"CUBS 2004 WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!"

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/9/2004 at 09:52 AM
quote:
"Cooters Guide to Hooters Part VI"



I may market all six volumes under:

"Cooters Guide To Cuter Hooters".

 

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  posted on 3/9/2004 at 10:17 AM
I think that "Cubs World Champs 2004" title should be re-titled "I Have A Dream" or "The Fine Art of Catching Foul Balls"

 

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There ya go man, keep as cool as ya can, face miles of trials with smiles, It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave...keep on thinkin free

 
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A Peach Supreme



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  posted on 3/9/2004 at 10:48 AM
quote:
I think that "Cubs World Champs 2004" title should be re-titled "I Have A Dream" or "The Fine Art of Catching Foul Balls"


Or "Corky Romano goes to the Big Game"

 

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I still have two strong legs and even wings to fly"

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/9/2004 at 10:58 AM
quote:
"How To Beat The Penn St. Nittany Lions Football Team Without Really Trying".
ouch. will Joe Paterno ghost write for that for you Cooter?

so Skip, Is there a chapter on proper attire for women on the course?

 

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