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Author: Subject: Never try to pick up any hookers in the ghetto

Ultimate Peach





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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 04:34 PM
So I'm really wasted one night, and I'm driving through Philly (I live about an hour west of Philly in the middle of nowhere) drunk as hell, when I decide that I need some weed. So I travel north on Broad St. (first mistake) till I reach a shady area that obviously has some weed. I pull over to a couple of brothas who say they have nothing but then point me in the right direction. I travel a few blocks deeper and deeper into the ghetto, but too drunk to be afraid. I see a couple of hookers on the side of the road, so I approach them to buy some weed. I swear I was only looking for weed, because I only had like $20 on me at the time, and knew I couldn't get any good a$$ with only $20. I just needed a dime. I ask the hooker if she has any weed, and she says yes. I hand her the money, but she wants to get into my car. I say no, but she claims to have been "freezin" and just wanted to get warm. So like a fool, I say Ok, and right when she gets in my car, a red sports car comes speeding out of nowhere, pulls over in front of me horizontally so I couldn't get by him. At this point, I sh*t a brick and sober up instantly when I see 2 gangsta lookin' black dudes get out of the car and approach my car. Without any hesitation, I throw it in reverse, and floor it with the hooker still in my car. The black dudes get back in the car and chase me while the hooker is screaming at me. I tell her to shut the f up, and I see an one-way alley. But the alley was going in the opposite direction, but I thought, "I either die right now by these 2 gangstas or get pulled over." So I floor it down this ally going in the wrong direction with the hooker still in my car and the 2 gangstas chasing me in their car behind me. I make my way to a busy intersection with lots of people and lights and pull into a gas station. I scream at the hooker to get the f out of my car now, but she wouldn't get out. We're screaming at each other. The car chasing me catches up and the 2 guys get out and surround my car. That's when one of the guys flashes his badge - they are cops!!! Looks like things can't get any worse for me. I'm drinking and driving, I have a hooker in the car, and I'm trying to find drugs, and now there are 2 cops talking to me. I crack my window down b/c I don't trust that they are cops, but they ask me what I'm doing with that woman in my car, and I say, "I stopped to ask her for directions b/c I'm lost, and she got in my car and wouldn't get out, I swear officer." She says, "Yeah right, that's bullsh*t. He was trying to buy weed from me." I deny it. The cop makes the hooker get out. He sees I'm a young white boy from the suburbs, so he says, "What are you doing around here?" I say I'm lost. The cop tells me how to get back to Center City and then says, "Just don't come around these parts ever again, ok?" I said, "Yes, sir" and I was on my way!!!

Just when I think I'm off scot free, I'm stopped at a light and another car full of gangstas roll their window down next to me and motion for me to roll my windown down as well. They apparently witnessed this whole thing, and asked me who those guys were in the red sports car. I told them they were cops, and the 3 guys in that car and started saying, "I told yall those were undercover, I told ya." They thanked me for telling them, and I eventually made it back to safety.

The moral of the story, don't try to pick up hookers in the ghetto while drunk and looking for weed. It's never a good idea.

 
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Zen Peach



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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 06:26 PM
I dont know what to say

Drinking and driving aint cool, bro ...

The rest of the story is hysterical

 

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Peach Head



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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 06:50 PM
I only pick up hookers when I need to use the carpool lane.

 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 07:05 PM
Oh Man Brent, that episode of "Curb....." was friggin hilarous!
I laughed my butt off!
That weed scene with his dad and the hooker was off the hook! I mean hooker

[Edited on 2/14/2004 by EddieP]

 
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Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 07:07 PM
I watch every episode of Curb. I couldn't believe it when that episode aired. That's what reminded me of the story. Pretty similar actually.
 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 07:21 PM
great episode ....right up there
w/ Crazy Eyes Killa !

[Edited on 2/14/2004 by Dino]

 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 08:34 PM
Are you my caucasian?

 

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Peach Master



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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 09:54 PM
quote:

The moral of the story, don't try to pick up hookers in the ghetto while drunk and looking for weed. It's never a good idea.


Hey, I'm 14. Thanks for the advice(now I know never to drink and drive, look for weed, and let hookers get in your car all in the same night).

Josh

 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 10:09 PM
quote:
Oh Man Brent, that episode of "Curb....." was friggin hilarous!
I laughed my butt off!
That weed scene with his dad and the hooker was off the hook! I mean hooker

[Edited on 2/14/2004 by EddieP]


hell yes! I love that show, and that episode was hilarious! that hooker sure looked like she had a good time at the ball park, While she could have been giving head 4 times in the same hour. What was larry thinking???

BTW- dogofsky89 --- good to see other younguns round here! I am 15, so its cool to see other people my age with the same interests

[Edited on 08/04/2069 by cortezthekiller]

 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 10:47 PM
This beats watching Cops on TV
 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 10:56 PM
hey now, cops is a damn good show whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 11:14 PM
No kidding, I love watching that show. It makes me think, "well, I may be drunk but at least I've got my shirt on and I'm not getting arrested tonight"
 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 11:14 PM
Larrys dad teaching the Hooker Yiddush, while she teaches him Gangsta.

"...thats the shiznit!" I was friggin rolling on the floor when Larry was yelling at himself in the mirror. "What are you lookin' at? NO.. what are YOU lookin at!?!?"


 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 11:22 PM
youre meshugena you know that rubba? oy vey you kerputznik schmuck.

-thats about all the yiddish i know....and that's pretty sad being 100% yid....

 

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  posted on 2/13/2004 at 11:35 PM
quote:
No kidding, I love watching that show. It makes me think, "well, I may be drunk but at least I've got my shirt on and I'm not getting arrested tonight"


Too funny!

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 12:17 AM
quote:
I only pick up hookers when I need to use the carpool lane.

Blow up dolls make great passengers.........

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 12:22 AM
I always watch COPs cause I figure if they are gonna come to my house maybe I can see them comming!

What a bad dream. Your watchin TV and you say hey that looks like our neihborhood. Hey that is our neighborhood. Oh Sh!t they're comming here! Quick Honey........

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 12:28 AM
quote:
I always watch COPs cause I figure if they are gonna come to my house maybe I can see them comming!

hehehe....now that's a strategy I am sure many have once thought of while watching.

[Edited on 2/14/2004 by freakerdude]

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 08:51 AM
Are we cou de la?

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 11:02 AM
I don't need to go looking for hookers. They come to me.

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 11:18 AM
Yall ever seen Reno 911, a comical spoof of "Cops"?

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 11:21 AM
We don't have hookers in my part of Montana. In one of the couple of cities we have they may. We just have women with big hair that suck the money out of you, no thrill involved.

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 01:01 PM
...but can they get you any chronic?

 

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Extreme Peach



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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 01:16 PM
hey, i have a hooker story to tell too. I'm pulling my 4 door Chevy impala into a parking space at my work when this girl runs up and jumps into my car ! she says" get me the F*** outta here, these guys are F***** crazy ! I'm imagining these guys with baseball bats are about to catch up and I can't see a thing 'cause i'm in between 2 vans. I floor it outta my work parkin' lot with this gorgeous young 20yr old with big hair beside me. a lot of the guys i work with see us and are smilin' , wavin' and thinkin' God knows what ! I hit the street on the fly ! she looks over at me and says" oh f*** you got no meter...this ain't a cab man...don't matter I'll pay you anyway. I said lady I'm just stayin' ahead of whoevers chasin' you...she started tellin' me all these "workin' girl " jokes and talked a mile a minute. I dropped her off at the nearest diner and didn't accept her payment. When I got back to my work a li'l late everybody was standin' around and grinnin' and wanting to hear what was up...it took awhile to live that one down.

 

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  posted on 2/14/2004 at 02:59 PM
hehe. that's a good one............

I have a hooker story too..... it was actually an omen, but I didn't recognize it at the time. A dark omen of a mistake marriage.

My first wife ad I were like just 21 and after living togethor decided to cruise to Vegas from Arizona and get married. Mostly we wanted to gamble and have fun and getting married was like a coincidental thing.... so romantically we went to the courthouse and it was this big building, real municipal looking. As we are walking up the sidewalk to the courthouse, this side door flies open ahead of us. These real obvious hookers come flying out. They were talking real loud and laughing. Now, at noon they are dressed like midnight hookers, all leg and T & A, so they probably got let out after a night in the can. So as they approach my wife to be and me, they scope us out and as they are alondside of us, one says..... "you guys want to have some fun?" In a rare moment of guy wisdom, I realized it was not the time to explore anything adveturous..... had to go get married, after all.......

 

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