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Author: Subject: My Incredibly Embarrasing Friday Night

Extreme Peach





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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 07:46 AM
My wife, son and I went out for dinner last Friday evening.

I was seated at our table, leaning foward talking to my wife and son, when suddenly I heard "POP,POP..pop.pop.POP.POP.pop,pop,pop".
I thought it was gunfire!!

Nope, I had unwittingly released a staccato volley of gas that was amplfied by the flat chair!! It was so loud that the diners on either side of us stopped mid-bite and stared at me.
I was mortified- it came from the deep, without warning!!
I would like to apologize to my fellow diners not only for that, but for giggling like a schoolgirl to the point of crying. It was so unexpected, all I could do was laugh.
I looked at my son, who at 15, I figured would be laughing also- NOPE, he just sat there, happily further adding to my embarrasment by pulling up his sweatshirt's collar over his nose, slouching in his chair.

I feel better for having admitted that and hope you enjoyed the story, especially since you didn't happen to be sitting next to me.
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True Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 07:48 AM
From what I understand - some cultures regard such an outburst as sign that you are enjoying the meal.
Maybe you aught to look into a silencer for that thing.

 

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People who believe in music are the happiest people I've ever seen.

Bill Ector, Randy Stephens, Dan Hills and a guy named BobO who I never met - Forever in my heart!

 

World Class Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 07:59 AM
Pretty funny, goldtopper. This is just the kind of thing that makes one laugh their a$$ off.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:08 AM
You should had stood up and went...............ta...........daaaaaaa.................
 

Maximum Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:10 AM
Stay away from the beans and rice!!!!!

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:36 AM
fantastic...

makes me think of the differnt kind of farts...

THE ATOM BOMB FART : The atom bomb fart is loud as heck, and it smells bad too. Also results in a big explosion, and everyone falls to the ground.

BARKING SPIDER FART : A non-smelling fart which occurs in a crowded place. The farter cannot be identified and the sound is therefore blamed on a 'Barking Spider'.

CHURCH HYMN FART : The kind where you're sitting in church, you bend over to pick up a hymn book, and -PBBBBBBT!!!- a giant fart rips out. Fate dictates that you are sitting next to an old lady, who will scoot down the bench, looking disgusted. SIDE NOTE: Confucius say, Man Who Fart In Church, Sit In Own Pew.
FLAPPING FLUTTER FART : This one's an earth shaker, but not too deadly on the odor side. It's distinguished by its long and loud flutter sound, and its marked vibrations are felt by all who are on the same bed or sofa.
ONE CHEEK SNEAK FART : This fart happens when you put your weight on one butt cheek and lift the other up. This is totally silent but often have disastrous results about two minutes later -everyone faints in that room
THE TWIST-OF-FATE DOG FART: The dog lets a fart so big that everyone blames it on you!

VIBRATING FART: The person sitting next to you can feel it.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:36 AM
fantastic...

makes me think of the differnt kind of farts...

THE ATOM BOMB FART : The atom bomb fart is loud as heck, and it smells bad too. Also results in a big explosion, and everyone falls to the ground.

BARKING SPIDER FART : A non-smelling fart which occurs in a crowded place. The farter cannot be identified and the sound is therefore blamed on a 'Barking Spider'.

CHURCH HYMN FART : The kind where you're sitting in church, you bend over to pick up a hymn book, and -PBBBBBBT!!!- a giant fart rips out. Fate dictates that you are sitting next to an old lady, who will scoot down the bench, looking disgusted. SIDE NOTE: Confucius say, Man Who Fart In Church, Sit In Own Pew.
FLAPPING FLUTTER FART : This one's an earth shaker, but not too deadly on the odor side. It's distinguished by its long and loud flutter sound, and its marked vibrations are felt by all who are on the same bed or sofa.
ONE CHEEK SNEAK FART : This fart happens when you put your weight on one butt cheek and lift the other up. This is totally silent but often have disastrous results about two minutes later -everyone faints in that room
THE TWIST-OF-FATE DOG FART: The dog lets a fart so big that everyone blames it on you!

VIBRATING FART: The person sitting next to you can feel it.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:39 AM
Hehehe...glad I'm not the only one. My wife says I sound like a horn section warming up before a show.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:43 AM
The double-post fart. Akin to a brain fart. Where the recoil of said fart actually forces the posters finger to double-click the POST REPLY button. Most commom on the HTW site.

Whenever I'm sitting (standing) next to someone who accidentally passes such an eruption, I usually offer (politely) - "you need to get that thing tuned!".

 

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Music is love, and love is music, if you know what I mean.
People who believe in music are the happiest people I've ever seen.

Bill Ector, Randy Stephens, Dan Hills and a guy named BobO who I never met - Forever in my heart!

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:45 AM
LOL Rusty..it happens...

remind me to tell you sometime about a certain Christmas Eve that made me legend in my family...

not in a good way

 

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Ultimate Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:47 AM
Please tell me you were in some swanky, white tablecloth, maitre'd seating, snooty waiter waitering, smell the cork sir? kind of place....... PLEASE?????

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:55 AM
quote:
Please tell me you were in some swanky, white tablecloth, maitre'd seating, snooty waiter waitering, smell the cork sir? kind of place....... PLEASE?????


Kind of gives "Smell the cork sir?" a whole new meaning . . .

 

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Peach Master



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 08:58 AM
According to Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary:

Gasoline- I had gas so I leaned over.

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 09:04 AM
quote:
quote:
Please tell me you were in some swanky, white tablecloth, maitre'd seating, snooty waiter waitering, smell the cork sir? kind of place....... PLEASE?????


Kind of gives "Smell the cork sir?" a whole new meaning . . .


Timing the fart with the pop of the champagne cork ... would've been a stroke of genius and could've saved you this embarrassing moment. Blame the smell on the roquefort salad dressing at the next table.

 

____________________
Music is love, and love is music, if you know what I mean.
People who believe in music are the happiest people I've ever seen.

Bill Ector, Randy Stephens, Dan Hills and a guy named BobO who I never met - Forever in my heart!

 

Extreme Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 09:08 AM
quote:
Please tell me you were in some swanky, white tablecloth, maitre'd seating, snooty waiter waitering, smell the cork sir? kind of place....... PLEASE?????


Nope, a bar/restaurant full of old ladies and families gorging on all you can eat fried cod.
I really expected my wife to slap the skin off my face, but she was laughing too.

Wannabederek's right about the dreaded shart though. I've always heard never trust a fart when you're over 40 and I'm 48. It's just a matter of time I suppose.

 

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When I die, please don't let my wife sell my guitars for what I told her I paid for them...

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 09:16 AM
quote:
a bar/restaurant full of old ladies and families gorging on all you can eat fried cod


great visual

has a Tom Waits feel to it

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 09:27 AM
I have no idea what you people are talking about.

 

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Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 09:50 AM
quote:
I was seated at our table, leaning foward talking to my wife and son, when suddenly I heard "POP,POP..pop.pop.POP.POP.pop,pop,pop". I thought it was gunfire!!
LOL!!! Thanks for the Monday morning chuckle, goldtop!

 

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World Class Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 09:56 AM
LMAO - you're all NUTTS!!!!

 

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Peach Pro



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 10:03 AM
I've got the giggles just reading all this!! Thumbs up for you!!!!
 

Peach Extraordinaire



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 10:13 AM
Too much L.M.A.O.

Farts = Funny

 

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True Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 10:31 AM
Your my new hero. You should of looked over at one of the older ladies eating cod and said Pardon Me!!! You wouldn't happen to have any Grey Poupon??
 

Peach Master



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 10:39 AM
you just made my morning. i can always appreciate a story like that.
 

True Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 10:49 AM
quote:
you just made my morning. i can always appreciate a story like that.


This whole episode brings new curiousness to the nature of screen names. You're Piper ... and there's Rottinpeach? Anything y'all would like to ... clear the air of here?

 

____________________
Music is love, and love is music, if you know what I mean.
People who believe in music are the happiest people I've ever seen.

Bill Ector, Randy Stephens, Dan Hills and a guy named BobO who I never met - Forever in my heart!

 

Zen Peach



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  posted on 3/22/2010 at 11:17 AM
Nice story

 

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